VARIETIES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2292, 22 July 1880, Page 3

VARIETIES.

The gout is a brake which a wise Providence puts on a man’s legs when he is living too fast. Charles Lamb, remarked of one of his critics, “ The more I think of him the less I think of him.” When two women with new hats on pass each other on the street, there is a pair of black stares made immediately. They have an exhibition of Avild cats in Elmira, and there is another in New York city, but they call it the Mining Exchange there. The cattle on a thousand hills contribute to the milkman’s wealth. So docs the water from the rills that slip into the cans by stealth. Never advise another with regard to investments. If he wins you will get no thanks—if lie lose you will get all the blame. Give “ points ”if you must but no advice. A duel consists of going to some secluded spot, banging the air with a couple of pistols, shaking hands, and going back to town for a first-class breakfast. And yet they tell us that duels are brutal. Mario, the great tenor, is still living in Pome, Avhere he holds a sinecure appointment Avitha salary of £SOO per annum as overseer of the Loyal Museums. He is seventy-nine years ot age. When the Prince ot Wales’s son is ordered aloft by (ho captain he mentally remarks: “This is my grandmother’s ship, and it makes myback ache to climb that polo and I ain’t going to do it only this once.” A western editor calls a contemporary “a bald-head thief,” but avc don’t suppose he ever stole a bald head in his life—unless it Avas in the shape of a joke that had lost its capillary adornment from extreme old age. The country politician who, Ayhen at home, cuts bread with a jackknife and rubs out pencil marks Avith the toe of an old artic rubber, is the first man, when he goes to Congress, to find fault with the fine stationery.