VARIETIES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2269, 25 June 1880, Page 2

VARIETIES.

A Cruel Winter. —General Reuben was seated on a mackerel barrel, with his feet on a couple of sugar-hogsheads, and had just given an account of how he froze them sliding down the bill in the winter of ’76. There was silence for a few minutes, interrupted bj r an interrogation from Mozart Daffodil. “Do you mean, General, to have our understanding comprehend dat .you froze bnff of dem feet in one winter?” “ Boff,” replied the General, cutting off a piece of tobacco about the size of a toy harmonica. After another reign of silence, the General demanded, “Do you doubt that statement, sah ?” “ Ho,” replied Mozart with quiet deliberation, “ I was only linking what a long bard winter it must have been.”—American Paper.

Woman at the Bottom of It. “Yankee ” Hill, a famous actor in the first half of the present century, used to tell an amusing story of the early days of the theatre in the United States. Hill once “ showed to use a professional phrase—in a town in the western part of New York where no theatrical performance had ever been given. He found the audience assembled, with the women seated on one side of the hall, the men on the other, exactly as they were used to sit in church, and throughout the- play the most solemn silence was observed. Thejr were attentive, but they gave no evidence of approval or displeasure ; there was no applause, nor laughter, not even a smile ; all was solemn stillness. He did his utmost to break the icehe did everything a clever comedian could do, but in vain. He flung himself against their rigidity ; it was no use. The audience was evidently on its best behaviour,;and the curtain went down at last amid a silence'oppressive and almost melancholy. After the play, Hill, worn out by his extra exertion and mortified at his want of success, was passing through a public room of his hotel, when he was stopped by a tall countryman with the remark, “ Say, mister, I was into the play tonight.” " Wore you ? ” said Hill. “ You must have been greatly entertained.” “ Well, I was! I tell you what it is now, my month is all sore a-strainin’ to keep my face straight. Arid, if it hadn’t been for the women, I’d ’a’ laughed right out in mcetin’.”