VARIETIES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2218, 27 April 1880, Page 3

VARIETIES.

A Mrs Campbell, of Detroit, recently gave birth to triplets. The Campbells have apparently arrived. Tribune.” “ What is political science ?” asks an exchange. Political science ! Political science ! Oh, yes, we see. When j'ou can make the people believe that yon can hold office better than a man who is in and they have the confidence to put you in his place, you have demonstrated about all there is in political science.— “ Courier-Journal.” “Wanted —A plain cook,” roads an advertisement. Wonder whose wife put that in the paper ? —“ Boston Post.” How it Happened.—Little Willie (to Mr Jones, who is quite attentive to Willie’s widowed mamma) Jones, how did you come to have such a bald head of hair ?” Mr Jones (who is not as dry as he looks, and has been in the fur trade) —“ Why, Willie, I neglected it one season, and the mollis got into it.” One never realises just how ranch a pair of skates can benefit a tailor until one puts them on for the first lirac. “Unmanned by the loss of her husband,” is the latest style of indicating a widow’s grief. An lowa man, whose well had caved in, contrived to make the authorities suspect mat he had murdered a man and put ids body at the bottom of that well, and he took things easy at the gaol while they dug his well out for Idm, and furthermore, talks of suing the town for false imprisonment. A lantern-jawed young man stopped at the post office last Saturday and yelled out “ Anything for Jane Watts ?” “Nothing.” “Anythingfor Ace Watts ?” “No.” “Anything for Bill Watts?” “No sir.” “Anything for Tom Watts?” “No, nothing.” “Anything for ‘Fool Joe’ Watts.” “ No, nor Dick Watts, nor Sweet Watts, nor any other Watts, dead, living, unborn, native, foreign, civilised or uncivilised, savage or bar barous, male or female, white or black, franchised or disfranchised, naturalised or otherwise. No, there is positively nothing for any of the W attses, either individually, severally, jointly, nowand for ever, one and inseparable.” The boy looked at the postmaster in astonishment, and said“ Please look if there is anything for John Thomas Watts ?” —Mexico “ Ledger.”