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South Canterbury Times, Issue 2216, 24 April 1880, Page 3

Considerable amusement was created in the Palmerston Court by the persistant worrying of the letter “ H ” by a thorough bred Cockney. He had declared his inability to pay the amount for which he had been sued, and in reply to the bench as to why he could not, answered with strong vehemence “ Because Hi haint liable to live on (h)air.” After the smile had died away from the countenances of the audience, their risible faculties were again exercised by the suggestion of Mr Hawkins, that “perhaps if the defendant and the (hare) air wore jugged, he might manage to exist.”—Manawatu “Times.” A man observing a carter, a friend of his shedding tears, said to him “What’s the matter John ?” “ Oh, Sandy, mon, my mither’s dead,” sobbed the carter. “Is that a’ ?” rejoined the friend ; “ I was feared it had been your horse !” A Cake an’ Pudding Courtier. — (Scene a ward in the infirmary). Lady Visitor : “ Are they kind to you here ?” Patient: (who is recovering from his illness and is very ra venous) —“ jNA 1 never get hauf nm fill.” L. V.—“ Indeed ! Could you eat an egg? Patient: “Eat an egg! Could a’ eat twa? Mem, I could eat the chap that laid them.” Volcanic origin.—A few days ago an English tourist, of the sort that wear a pair of “double million magnifying” ejm glasses, through which they look in “ forty different ways for Sunday,” was passing through the Highlands on a coach, and asked the guard if the hills were of vocanic origin. Before the guard could reply, an individual who had a good deal of liqttor concealed about bis person leaned over and putting his hand on the Englishman’s shoulder, said ; Stranger if you drink a few times of the whisky they sell up in those hill you’d certainly think they were cf “volcanic origin.’”