ECHOES OF THE WEEK

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2141, 31 January 1880, Page 2

ECHOES OF THE WEEK

The Bench and audience of the R.M, Court the other day were somewhat tickled by 7 the conduct of a decentlooking countryman who appeared as defendant in an action brought by 7 a servant girl for wages. It appears that the girl had been engaged in a labour office in town, but on going to the defendant’s place the latter was in an angry 7 mood, and ordered her off. Subsequently 7 he repented his rashness, hut the girl insisted on leaving. The defendant conducted Ids own case, and having cross-examined the girl at length, obtained the permission of the Bench to put his wife in the box. “ You’re Mrs So-and-so?” he began, calling his missus by ber maiden name. “ Yes,” simpered the witness, smiling, and the Court laughed outright. “ And you are my wife, I believe?” continued the husband with the utmost coolness. The ladynodded assent, and Bench and audience were convulsed. “ You used your utmost endeavors to dissuade the plaintiff from leaving, and to impress upon her the necessity 7 of fulfilling her engagement ?” The Bench interposed, suggesting that the lino of defence was no defence at all. “ Ah,” naively 7 replied the defendant, “ hut that’s my old woman, yolir Worship, and whatever she says I’ll swear to.” What a glorious country 7 this would be if every Benedict in it was so candid amFconfiding !

It seems very hard that in these days of absurd compliments people cannot travel about without being treated as lisping babes, and having articles as useless as toy-rattles picthod at them. Since the telegraph strike there have been a number of changes—the operators have have been stirred about like oatmeal porridge, at the dictation of Dr Lemon and Mr Maginnity. Among other transfers, Mr Bull, of the Thames, is under marching orders for Timaru, and on Thursday, Mr Bull was presented by his junior imps with a ring. Posssibly be feels ilattered ; but the presentation sounds like a dastardly insult. Then Mr I*. Wood, lay-reader, of Temuka, having taken up his residence in Timaru, is presented in recognition of his eminent services, gratuitously rendered, as churchwarden, lay-reader, and a “ liberal subscriber towards the maintenance of the church,” with —what think you 'i A drawing-room clock. A purse of a few hundred sovereigns might have formed a suitable accompaniment to the complimentary address so influentially signed by church dignitaries, but a drawingroom clock, which will want winding up and may stop at any moment, and which, besides, is probably a superfluity in the lay-reader’s establishment, seems ridiculous.

Talking of the Telegraph operators reminds mo that the following memo was hashed to the Dunedin operators the other day : —“ The Commissioner has authorised the infliction of a line TSO, in consequence of the operators in Dunedin refusing duty on the 2nd instant and subsequent days. Yon will be good enough to collect the amount forthwith. Signed, A. T. Maginxitv, Assistant Secretary.” I was under the impression that Ur Lemon had been changed from Commissioner to a Superintendent, but 1 presume Mr Maginnity knows best. The imposition of penalties on refractory officials is‘a new and brilliant idea on the part of the head of this unfortunate dc-

partment. Plow will the Dunodinitcs like it? They have been lined -Bo per head while their fellow-conspirators at Invercargill, Blenheim, and elsewhere will only have to dnb up 10s. But then the Dunedin strikists were the ringleaders, and according to the Lemon-Kali-Maginnity scale, their offence is aggravated ten-fold. I am credibly informed that Maginnity the elder has written a letter to the assistant secretary complimenting him on the circumstance that he is the first member of the Maginnity family who has stamped out a riot by inflicting a fine on the rioters. Is it true that the penalty is intended to be remitted to the famishing members of the Maginnity group in another part of the world ?

Farmer A. met Farmer B. in Waimate the other day. After the usual stereotyped congratulations on the crops and weather, conversation turned in a political direction. The property-tax was mentioned, and both shook their heads sorrowfully. “Indeed John I’m rather beginning to lose faith in our Member lately,” said Farmer A. “ Faith,” rejoined the other, “ I’ve no faith in him ava. I lost all respcckit for the bodie ever since he ncglcckit to give a bit of his harmonium to our library.” Neep I say that it was Mr Studhohne’s “ honorarium” which stuck in the honest countryman’s gizzard ?

A Wellington telegram states that “ Colonel Scratchley returned from the South to-day, after inspecting the various southern ports.” This is what the Premier would call “ only half the truth, and worse than a downright falsehood.” What about the ports of Timaru and Oamaru, and the cruel sell that was perpetrated on the Volunteers, who were led to expect that the peripatetic Colonel would inspect them yesterday, and went down to the railway station to meet him ?

I have been asked if I could explain how the Dunedin Bench was so severe on the two or three milkmen who were lined £lO each for milking the pumpwcll in an emergency, “ Revenge is sweet,” I replied. “ But you don’t mean that the Bench lives on milk ?” “No, hy no means, hut it abominates water ; the Bench has had its grog watered in a most audacious manner, and as there is no penalty prescribed for water in whisk)', the milkmen have had to suffer.” Burns says— Some books are lees frae end to end, And some great lees were never penn’d; E’en ministers, they hae been kenn’d, In holy rapture, Ac. “ New Zealand as a field for Emigration,” a sixpenny pamphlet hy the Rev J. Berry, furnishes an illustration. In page 82, referring to our national debt, the reverend writer says :—“ Nearly half the loan has been laid out in railways, which already pay interest on their cost, as well as working expenses.” What a glorious thing it would he for our finances if the writer’s statement was only true! “Interest on their cost!” Mr Berry has been sadly misinformed, ff the whole of his pamphlet is as accurate as this portion, it had better never been written. But emigration touters don’t generally stick at trilies. Need I remind the bachelors of Timaru that this is leap year ; that St. Valentine’s Day is approaching, and that the letter-carriers are bracing their backs for the ordeal. I saw a photograph of a somewhat spicy description the other day, accompanied with the following letter—“ Dear , How I long to be able to call you hy a dearer name ! I have waited so long for you to propose that I have lost patience, and as it is leap year, I will take the liberty to propose myself, so I say, will you have me. —I remain, impatiently awaiting your answer, X. Y., Timaru.” This looks likes business. QUILP.