Astrotrends

Ruapehu Bulletin, Volume 8, Issue 370, 22 January 1991, Page 12

Astrotrends

Resident Rangataua astrologist Petty Lenticular has provided the Bulletin with this astounding list of predictions for Waimarino and Waiouru for 1991. Ohakune carrots will remain orange despite attempts by the Irish Government to force growers to grow green ones. Turoa will win Lotto and build a gondola lift to the crater lake for the use of locals only. Raetihi's first traffic lights will be installed, but in the wrong place - on the corner of Islington Street and Alexandra Road. Waimarino's brat pack will refuse to take any part in a movie about the death of the Loch Ness monster, which dissolves in the crater lake while visiting there as part of a whirlwind publicity tour, on the grounds that it is too soon after the event. April Fool's Day will fall on 1 April. Garrick Workman will

succeed in his endeavour to save enough pocket money to buy a mayoral helicopter, but instead blow it all on Mars Bars. Record saies of Mars Bars in the Ruapehu District predicted. No surprises here, but the Government is forced to route State Highway One close to the township of Waiouru. Waiouru Army Training Group will hold regular cake stalls outside the TAB to raise funds for a new tank and the effort is such a success a new unit is formed to bake cakes for New Zealand-wide distribution under the name "Battle Crocker Cakes". Local people's senses of humour will be put to the test. A lynch mob will storm the residence of Rangataua's astrologist in the last week in January, but he will have already scarpered, having successfully predicted the event.