THE MARRIAGE TIE

Rotorua Morning Post, Volume 3, Issue 667, 20 October 1933, Page 3

THE MARRIAGE TIE

MODERN HOME LIFE

ARRESTING ADDRESS TO ROTORUA WOMEN'S CLUB. A SACRED BOND. An arrestiing address on the "Sanctity iof Marriage" was given to the Rotorua Women's Club on Tuesday afternoon by the Rev. J. C. Young. ' "I open my addpess by quoting the lines of George Eliot: 'What greater thing is there for two humian souls tban to feel th'at they are jodned! together for i'ife, to strengthen each other dn all labour, to rest on each other 001 all sorrow, to mioiister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in isilent unspeakabl& memiories at the monient of .the last parting'," sai'd Mr. Young dn opening hi'S address. "Mluch is being said and written these days about miarriage and it is a subject coneerning which there is much confusion of thought. At the outset I wish to make it clear that I take my staind with those who regard sex as sacramental. Mian and woman were created for marriage and. the dntiiniacies of married 'life are piart of the divine intenftion — i'He which made them at the beginning made them male and. female, and said — they twain shall be one flesh'." "The union of the sexes, then, is something that ,is capiable of giving the highest expression to hum'an life, but it is something which if abused, can make lif.e a hell on e'anth. Men and women are more ithan animal and' marriiaige is far mJore than a physical relationship. Howevier great the modern d'esire for sex equality may ihe, we have always to .faee the1 fact that n0 argument on earth will make :sex what it is not. Mian and wonian were made for each other, the one is the complement of the other, both physically and spiritually. Relation to H.ome Life. "Let us look at the question of the sanctity of marriage in reliaitdon to fhe home iife of our day. Here I ■must be courageous, if need be, to be kind," continued the speaker. "We are f'aced with the unpleasant and alarming fact that miany marriag.es. are an absolute failure. We must also acknowledge the unwelcome •truth, too, that in many hom.es the iylationship between husband and wife is strained almlost to. the breakingpoint. There is far too much unnecessary dlomestic friction and unhappiness in the hom!es of our day. Such warped relatiajnphips create a foul latmosphiere Which must inevitahly poison the impressionia.ble minds of growing children. The home must do more than preach precepts to the young; above every thing it must 1 ad the way and set an example. Much of the medeon antagonism. , to wards the Church and religion is directly due to the religious hypocrisy of parents in the home, but children ara not the liittle fools sorne .parents taike them to be, "The miodern situation is far from satisfactory and this is leading extremists and idealists of all kinds to urge the destruction of what we have for so long sought to miaintain, viz., the sanctity of miarriage. Woman has fought hard for emancipation during recent years and in this further fight she had better watch lest she fall headliong into the sex-pit of suhjection. If she does th'e last state of woman may be worse than the1 first.

Gauses1 of Failure. "In the third place, What are some ef the causes of failure and misery and unhappiness. in the married state?" asked. the speaker. "It is due to a vulgari'&ation of sexthought. The world is thinking of sex rediationship from a physical and pleasure-seeking point of view. It is thinking too much in terms of animal union anct too little- in terms! of spiritual union. It seems to me that there are faults on iboth sides. Wom'an, to some extent, has cheapened herself. In her effort to break free from, the trammels of the Victorian age she is losing mluch of her womlanly grace and femlnine mbdesty which are the charm of her life. As a consequence she has lost much of her prestige in the home and much of her self-rtspect in the comimiunity. "Modern hypicrisy is niot in the churohes. It is in the comanUnity and in society. It is there, under cover of religion, that men and women in diverse and diabolical ways damn themselves in body and soul. If our Emjpire does not watch herself we will soon have divoree'coupons issued! with ievery marriage certificate. The spiritual and moral aspect of marriage is being sadly negleoted. "Another cause of failure and unh'appiness in miany of the miodemi marriages is unsuitable and unnatural •mlateship. Many factors bring this about. A woman may cboose a mara, merely heciaiuse of his social position ior biecause of his possessions. A man tmiay chioose a womian for the same reasons. The union is not even decenitly physical, leave alone unspirituial. Perhaps a mother i.nfluences ■her daughter to cmarry the mian whom ishe herself ispecially desires for a .son-in-iaw; so.m© very good-inten-•tioned busy-b;ody has 'made the 'match. There is always a hig element of risk in uinions of this kind. It is difficult to maintain the sanctity of miarriaige when man and woman use it

to satisfy some unworthy or selfish motive. "Another cause of failure and unhappiness in many modern marriages is what is politely and conveniently termed "incompatibility of temperament." A fetish is being made of this to-day iaind it is too readily seized upon by discontented coupks who, for private reasons, desire to break their marriage ibond. Love's young dream often hlunders in that it pictures men and women being married and living happily ever after. It does not follow. They have no idea what constitutes happiness. They want to enjoy all the blessings of the married state and shirk all its ohligations and respoBsibilities and they wonder why it does not work. "Now what is termied "teim.peramiental incompatibility" may cover a multitude of sins. How can husbands and wives fac© the disciplining experiences of the marriage state when they could not discipline themselves in their sinigle state? There will always be incompatibility iof temperaniient in homes when personality is saerificed on the ailtar of animalism. But as I draw to a close I want to state there is one fundamental cause for mOdem laxity in ithe marriage relationship.. It is the decay of true religion. 'Except the Lord build thy house they labour in vain that build it.'

A Father's Duty. "It is difficult for the church to .safeguard the sanctity of marriage when masses of people have absolutely forsaken God. Our spiritual life is at a very low ebb. Many young people hiave no spiritual life and for such .married life can be but a tragedy. Homes are failing because there is no a baliancing of religion and moral responsihility. Fathers are the great■est offenders here. Fathers are not playing th© game. Who are they that they sbould leave their wives to care for the spiritual welfare of their children? Fathers and husbands are not taking their rightful place either .at home or in the church. If la man, when he asks a woman to be his wifei, wants her to be a kind iof household slave he sbould say so. It is downright impudence for a man to impose upon his wife the responsibility of moitherhood and leave her to. he a household drudgo, to expect her to be his housekeeper, to di'scipline his children and be their moral and spiritual instructress. A father sbould be a spiritual adviser to. his children. He sbould regard it a privilege to give them religious instruction. He shoiuld just as willingly accompany his wife and family to church as to the pietures or ■elsewhere. There must be a balancing of responsibility. My final words are those of E. S. Wbods in his hook, "A Faith thab Wiorks"."Whcre God is there is peaee." "Uhi Deus, ibi pax"). "A home where Christ is head of the house is a place of peace, a place ■of beaurby, la. , pllace of felloWship. Every home like that is a beacon light for men to live by, it is a distributing centre of the life of 'God in a world that is half dead. "WJhio shall measure the influence of a mother with her tender, selfeffacing, boundless love, of a fiather who leads the family in the way of righteousness, of children who go out into the world as well taught citizens of the Kingdiom of Hoaven, of a family life and a family fellowsbip which is sholt through and through with the very spirit of Jesus Christ! Such anfluence as immeasura.ble for such a home is in truth one of God's open doors into the world."