MARRIAGE TO-DAY

Rotorua Morning Post, Volume 3, Issue 663, 16 October 1933, Page 7

MARRIAGE TO-DAY

Frederick Stuhhs.

F.R.G.S.)

on small income MODERN YOUTH UNWILLING TO ACCEPT ANY CHANCES. ROMANCE IN YOUTH.

(By

"There's a bliss beyond all that min- . strel has told, When two that are linked in one heavenly tie, With heart never changing and brow never cold, Love on thro' all ills and , love on till they die." (Moore). The time has arnved when the great miajority of otir young men and women must either marry on small incomes or not at all. A reeent writer says that a man cannot marry to-day on less than £500 a year. This is an obviouis exaggeration. Not one in five of the married population possesses £500 a year. I presume the writer had in mind the professional and mercantile class. Nevertheless, 5t must he admitted that so far as the British Dominions are concerned, the majority of our young people must either marry on much less than £500 a year or remain unmarried. Which should it he? For the majority of healthy young men and young women wh0 love each other, I unhesitatingly record my verdict in favour of mar1 riage. Courage Needed. The young people of to-day are deterred by the fear that - unemployment may come, or ill-health, or increased taxation, or a score of other disagreeable contingencies. And they are afraid to take the risk. They have plenty of physical courage. They will cheerfully undertake long walks and strenuous games, and late, exhausting nights; will swim in sharkinfested waters and climb dangerous rocks; but lack courage where marriage is concerned. It was not alw.ays thus. Until comparatively reeent times men and women married in their youth: courageously took one another "for hctter or worse," and faced the inevitable changes and chances of this mortal life hand in hand. One could easily mention a score of instances where vvell-known successful careers wti'e begun thus. Rockefeller earned little more than a pound a week when he asked Laura Spelman to share his life, and together they faced several ,years of poverty and struggle hefore he struclc oil. "And yet," he says^ "small a.s my income was, we managed to live and save money, thanks to the most thrifty wife a man ever had, and our joy in spending five dollars to the best advantage was far greater than the spending of a million gave me in later years." It is remarkable that nearly all the famous Amcrican millionaires married when poor. I suppose the same readiness to work and save and take risks led to their ultimate success. The conventions in regard to marriage ai'e not the same in U.S.A. as among ourselves. Ameri--cans are much more ready to take risks, both matrimonial and financial, than we are. Robert Blatchford, the well-known English writer, tells us that he took courage and married on 30s a week, ;and "would not have missed it for worlds." Dr. Johnson, the most famous literary man of his time, frankly confessed when hs_ asked the Widow Porter to be his wife that he had n0 money. I am not arguing in favour of marriage on nothing a year. There must be a. reasonable sufficiency for primal needs. The old adage: "Ere you marry, have a house in which to tarry," is not to he disregarded. But the house need not be large nor the furniture expensive. Luxuries can wait. If it is true that imprudent marriages often rcsult in misery, provident ones are by no means always successful. Money is often plentiful where love is scarce. The most unhappy marriages are not those where money is wanting, but where respect and affection are absent. Love is essential to a happy married life, but not a large income. "Show me one couple unhappy merely on account of limited circumstances," says Coleridge, "and I will show you ten who are "wretched from other causes." Those who have to struggle hard to attain success are often happier than those who have obtained wealth without effort. Woman and Luxury. An English writer calls attention to the fear that wom:n have of living without luxuries. It is an absurd fear, as I am sure many of my readers could testify. One may he just as happy in four rooms as in forty; on simple fare as on luxurious. One cannot deny that women take pleasure in expensive furniture, dresses, etc., but these are by no means necessary to happiness. Esteem and affection are. Even bodily health will make more difference. It is possible to sia.ve money and lose happiness. Unfortunately in these days many ladies think they could not he happy without expensive dress, "beauty" concoctions, etc. Some think it "bad form" to do their own shopping or to .carry a parcel. It is so much more dignified to have the tradesman call at your door and deliv-er your goods, even if you do ha.ve to pay 20 per cent. more for them. One must keep up appearances even though the effort to find the money ruins the husband's health (as, seriously, it sometimes does). Seeing and hearing such things, many young men ai»e, not unnaturally, afraid to contemplate marriage. When, recently, I asked a young friend why he did not marry a girl that he admired, he laughingly exclaimed, "Why, I couldn't find her in stockings!" My friend, of course, spoke hyperbolically and did not intend his words to be taken literally. Silk stockings represented in his mind a whole h'ost of expensive things. But the feeling on both sides is tragieally wrong. A girl could he quite happy with plain living, pla'in furniture, and plain clothes, and so could any decent man. Marrying Money. There is something to be said for the French system of providing a dowry for daughters. Directly a girlchild is horn the father hegins to provide for her dowry. It certainiy does mialce the marriage of young people * easier. On the other hand, the girl

who brings a dowry to her husband is usually quite aware of the fact. The husband is aware of it too! If the dowry is large, it is usually accompanied by habits of luxury leiarned in a wealthy home, and by an incapacity to understand and meet narrower circumstances. As in the case of the lady of the Court of Louis XVI, who hearing that the people were starving, exclaimed: "Poor creatures: no bread! Then why do they not eat cake? the young bride cannot understand the limitations imposed by comparative poverty. Long ago Lord Beaconsfield warned the nation that the best security for civilisation is the home. Marriage confers society, symp:a.thy, companionship, perfected friendship. When he returns from work, it is good for a man to have J scmeone to welcome him and to share | his cares and anxieties. If he is sick, | who can nurse and comfort him like ! a wife? Early Marriage. I Early marriages are not fashion- |- able in these difficult times, yet there ! is much to he said in their favour. j Youth is the season of generous ; ideals and emotions: never do men seem braver or women more fair. If self-forgetting love is to he won, it must be now. Therefore I say in all seriousness, if you have good health, and love truly, deeply, purely, not with passing p;assion only; and have sufficient means to obtain the neces•sities of life, take your courage in ■both hands and marry. Don't wait until you can live in the same style as your parents who have been working and saving for thirty yeiars. Don't expect to begin where they leave off. Don't wait until youth has lost its freshness, the heart its tcnderness, the soul its generous ideals and impulses. Marry now, and together build up home, family and fortune. It has heen done a million times. It can he done agiain.