The Fun Corner

Rotorua Morning Post, Volume 3, Issue 644, 23 September 1933, Page 8

The Fun Corner

Youthful Amibition. "I don't know wbat to do with our boy. My wife wants him to becorne an admiral; I want him to he a business man; and he insists on being an 1 airman. "How old is he?" "He ydll be four in August." — Sent in by Peppercorn. (Elderly gentlemjan to small boy: "Smoking at your age! I sh'ould just j like to he your father!" | Small Boy: "Well, don't get down- | hearted, guv-nor; me mother's a widow>" In the Sidecar. A small boy, when visiting the zoo 'with his mother, got very excited when they came across the kangaroo cage. "Hey, Mum, come and have a look at the funny animal with a baby dn the sidecar." Took a Glass. First Salesman: "A woman was arrested downstairs this mornlng." Second Salesman: "What for?" First Salesman: "She was caught in the act of concealing a hand mirror." Second Salesman: "Poor woman! That's what comes of taking a glass too mueh." - — Sent in by Tinker Bell. Recruiting. A recruit wh0 strongly objected to war serviee was tryin'gi to "swing the lead" at a medical examination. The recruiting officer was trying his utmost to catch the recruit napping, but | without avail. Then came the eyesight test, so the R.O. in sbeer desperation seized the lid off a dust-hin and held it up in front of the recruit, shouting : "Can you see this?" ^ The recruit answered. "Certainly I can." R.O.: "Then what is it?" (Recruit; "I can't just tell whether it is a two-shilling piece or a halfcrown." Thereupon the poor R.O. collapsed.

| — Sent in by Jean Millar. ' Rrotherly Lovc. I The Sunday school teacher had been talking to the children about , various virtues. "Now suppose I saw a boy ill-treat-ing a donkey," he said, "and I stopped him: what virtue would I show?" "Brotherly love," replied a young ' innocent. Missed It. Magistrate (very sternly): "You are found guilty of knocking down the plaintiff and robbingi him of everything except his gold watch. What have you to say?" "Had he a gold watch?" "Certainly!"

"Then, sir, I put in a plea of -msanity." | Never Could. i Manager:' "Jones, how is it you've been away ? " ! Junior Clerk: "Please, sir, I have a certificate from my doctor saying that I I could not work yesterday." /' Manager: "That's no use. I could , give you a certificate saying that you ; never could work." | Missed a Chance. i ' First Doctor: "Tell me, Doe., have ■ you ever made a serious mistake in diagnosis?" . i Second Doctor. "Yes, once. I told a man he had a touch of indigestion. I Afterwards I found he was rich ! enough to have had append'icitis." Could Not Come. " "Dre, young 'Erb's not goin'gi to referee this fight. He can only count up to seven." — Sent in by Robin Hood. Temporary Forgiveness. Governess: "You must forgive your little brother before you go to bed, ; You might die in the night. | Tommy (reluctantly) : "Well, I forgive him to-ni'ght, hut if I don't die he had better jolly well look out in the morning." The Correct Tense. The class were wrestling with the terrors of grammar. 'Now, children," said the teacher, "the sentence 'My father h'ad money' is in the pasi; tense.'

"So, Mary," turning, to one of the scholars, "what would you he speaking in if you said 'My father has money?'" "Please, teacher," replied the child, "that would he pre-tense." Passied On. Teacher: "George, are you sure father did not do these sums for you?" George: "Yes, sir; quite sure. Dad did have a try hut he got them all wrong, so grandfatber did them for me." What the Cow Gave.

The farmer was angry: "What're ye comin' home with yer milk pail empty fer? Didn't the old cow give anything?" "Yep," replied his son, "nine quarts and one kick." ■The skeleton of a girl has been found at Dover completely emhedded in chalk. Well, they will keep putting on powder. . — Sent in by Wild Rose. Hurt Himself. Teacher: "And when the prodigal .son returned, what .happened, Tommy T" Tommy: "His dad ran to meet him and hurt himself." Teacher: "Why, where did you get ' that?" Tompay: "It says he fell on his neck." Wronig Place. Motorist: "Help me! I've turned turtle!" . 'Garage Owner: "Why bother me? ' You want the zoo>" Flypaper. Boy: "I want to buy some paper/[_

' Dealer: "What kind of paper?" Boy: "You'd better give me fly- ! paper. I want to make a kite." S — Sent in by Roxane. Impossible. "Yes," said the second mate of a tramp steamer on his return home, "when I was in the Mediterranean I sailed through shoals of sardines." "Nonsense!" said his maiden aunt. "How could they possibly swim in those small tins?" Thrust and Parry. Native Clerk (civilised specimen): "Why do you wear that hone in your hair ? " Umbogumbo (one of ihe Old Brigade) : "Why do you wear dat pen in yo' ear?" B — Sent in by Whirlwind. B Neuritis. | Teacher: "Your writing is much 9 better to-day, Johnny; have you a fl new pen?" B "No, m'iss." | Teacher: "Then what have you?" | Johnny; "Neuritis." 1 Riddles. | Question: What should you keep |j after you have given it to another? j§ Answer: Your word. 1 Question: If I shoot at three birds | ■on a tree and kill one, how many will I remain ? | Answer: None; they will all fly | away. | — Sent 'in byl Violet. _ | Understood Each Other. 1 "I am a woman of a few words," | announced the haughty mistress to | 1 new maid. "If I heckon with my fin- I gers that means 'Come'." | ; "Suits me, mum," replied the girl. | "I'm a woman of a few words my- | 1 self. If I shake my head that means | J I ain't coming." | J An Irish Story. | ' Pat and Tim were on the rocks, hut | hy good luck a kind friend gave them I !'3s to tide them over a day's sorrow. | Pat was the treasurer, and hoth | walked the streets of Dublin until I i they were wearied to death'. At last | j they came to a restaurant and gazed i wistfuliy at the menu card. Hot . lunch from 12 to 2 o'clock for ls 6d. "Capital," said Pat; "that will do us J fine." Tim: "Sure it's too much." | Pat: "Not at all; we can eat from 12 | to 2, begorra; we can stuff as much I j in as will do us for a week. | — Sent in by Fairy S-unlight.

Sarciasm. "The hotel guest was thoroughly annoyed. People were runni'ng backward and forward along the corridor. outside his 'room, making a terrible noise. So he took the teleph'one and spoke to the manager's office. "I can't get j asleep with all this noise going on," i he said angrily. "I'm sorry, sir," said the voice of the clerk, "but I'm afraid we can't j control the movements of the fire j brigade." Speeding, Eh? Judge: "Speeding, eh? How many times have you been before me?" Speeder: "Never, your honour. I've i tried'to pass you on the road once or i twice, hut my hus will do; only 55." I' — Sent in hy Syringa.