THE SEAMY SIDE

Rotorua Morning Post, Volume 2, Issue 423, 6 January 1933, Page 3

THE SEAMY SIDE

HUMOROUS INTERLUDE AMUSING EXCUSES MADE IN ENGLISH COURTS OF JUSTICE IMPORTANGE OF BEING EARNEST. Writing in the London Daily Mail Mr. R. E. Corder tells of some interesting and amusing tales told to Magistrates in English Courts. Following are a few of his chosen selections : Physically and mentally a weakSing with a shock light hair and no ambition, this youth of 21, wha stood in the dock at Bow Street Police Court was typical of many of his kind — easy dupes but unstable discip*les of agitators, gang leaders, and crooks. This Robert Fittock, who put up his fists to a polieeman with whom he struggled on the ground at the j Trafalgar Square meeting of marehes on Sunday afternoon, was described by the court missionary as stupid. Fittock, who is supposed to have been to sea but has no diseharge papers, lives in Camden Town, N.W., with his mother, who refused to hail him out or take any further interest in him. I I have seen hundreds like him pass through the dock to th'e devil. They are difficult to handle these disciples of the streets. They have cunning without intelligence; they are callous hut not couragous; they are of the stuff that gangs are made of, and in gangs they are dangerous. This youth, who kicked a Canning Town constable, was remanded for sentence, and meanwhile the court missionary will try to solve the prohlem of his future. Ernest, the giantkiller, arrived with a new blue suit and a well-known Lancashire accent. "A big man; oh, such a big man, twice as big as any polieeman," he said had hit him in a restaurant. "But big as he was," declared Ernest, satisfied with the importance of 1 being himself "h did not hurt me. T It was a pity rather. He ran away, and I chased him. The spectacle of Ernest chasing a giant more in sorrow than in ang.er with the expressed intention of killing hm as giants ought to he killed aroused the interest of two constables, ; who joined in the chase. A girl friend of Ernest's also ran, but in the dir- ■ ectiofi of a taxicab. Ernest assured the polieeman that ' he could kill the giant quite easily ; without their assstance, but they told ; hm that giant-killing was not done in ' the Strand — only in fairy tales; and they took him to a place where all the , suits were blue. ' Girls Giggle Over Prank [ Balls of fire were hursting) in Ox- [ frod Street at 11 o'clock on Tuesday t nght. Shafts of flame shot across the j street, followed hy sharp and rapid exnlosions.

Alarmed psdestrians frantically searched for a fire alarm and others loudly called for the police. But it was neither riot nor a confiagration; it was merely Constance and Millicent letting off fireworks. Two charming girls in the 'teens, they are. Constrance tall and blonde ; wore a brown raincoat. Millicent, j short and brunette, wore a black raincoat, and they giggled and gurgled in the dock at Marlborough Street Poi- ; lice Court. The girls share a pas- J sion for fireworks, and they shed 13 : [ unused squibs, Roman candles, and j Chinese crackers in the goaler's room. j "I saw flames spurting from a lamp ! standard, and an elderly pedestrian j complained that he had been shot with a cannon. A ball of fire m'issed his face by inches. _ _ j "We had no cannon," said Milli- ; cent regretfully, but (enthusiastically) ' "that was a Roman candle." _ ' '•Sparks and explosions were going 1 on all round," continued the constable. j "There were flames and bahgs." "That would he squibs," declared Mr. Dummett, the magistrate, who was obviously enjoying himself. | "I don't know sir,' replied the con- | stable, they were blown to bits , before I could indentify them." "Ah," remarked the smiling magistrate "your knowledge of fireworks is not equal to mine, learned wh'en I was a boy." "There were explosions like machina gun fire," said the constable. I "Crackers," explained Millicent. J "And balls of coloured fire were hitting pedestrians." j "Roman candles," expounded Con- j stance. I "But why did you let off fireworks j in the street?" demanded the magi- I strate. j "Beeause they would not allow us ! to let them off in Hyde Park," replied Constance resentfully.

"They were full of fireworks," continued the constable reproachfully, "and they were going off while I was arresting them. People coming out of a restaurant th'ought it was motor bandits, and rushed back again." . Mr. Dummett stified his smile and seriously warned the girls against playing with fireworks. "This time you are discharged, but if you do it again there will be nothing to laugh at." "What shall we do with the 13 fireworks," inquired the gaoler. "Diseharge them. too," directed Mr. Dummett. Horace, complete with stick, hat, and morning paper, had a monocle in his accent, but no occupation. He was found hy a constable crawling crabwise along the shop fronts in Coventry Street, W.? complaining that' he was being chased by wild women and pleading to he taken to Vine Street Police Station. Horace, placing one hand on his hip, and resting the other elegantly on his stick, began to cross-examine after the manner of Socrates as follows: — Where was I ? — in Coventry Street. Why ? How many times did you ask me to go away? — Many times. ^ Why not only once? What did I say and why did I say it? And why did I speak to you? The Magistrate (interrupting) : Ten shillings. Horace: Why? The Magistrate j Beeause. ______