THE CHESTNUT TREE

Rotorua Morning Post, Volume 2, Issue 415, 27 December 1932, Page 3

THE CHESTNUT TREE

Front Windows.— Visitor (t'o iiost's little girl) : How do you know it's the first of the xnonth ? Little Girl: 'Cause all dadrly's letters have got front windows in tlio.m. Easiiy Explained.— Ile had invited the sweet young thing to have dinner with him, and was vather appallod at the large aniount of food slis was con suxning. "Er — may i aslc — what dil you l:avo for lunch to-day?" he asked. "Three gixesses," she repiiert oo"!v "Ah, tliat explains it," he munnured. "No wonder you're so hungry!" The Reason. — "I see your hurbrnd aever gets out at niglits." "So do I." •X- -X -XA Birthday Treai. — "1 want to S(ir> the doctor," urged the pile-faeed mx.n 'Tve got a pain that keops nmvr on and off, and " i "Do you think you couH 'o~") ti morrow?" asked the sweet yotr g thing who liad answered the door lo him. "Why, isn't tlie doctcr in?" "Oh, yes. But, you sce, yox're t ;? first patient, and 'to-morrow is Irs birthday, it would be so nke if v;a could manage to give him a siup.iao between us, wouldn't it?"

Awkward — Two casual golf acquaintances were playing a round. As tliey were walking from a green to a tee they saw two women coming over the brow of a hill. "I say," said one, "here comes ray wife with some old liag she's picked up somewhex'e!" Th other lookod hard at the approaclxing couple. "And here comes mine with anotlier," he retorted icily. x- -xNever With Her. — "Who is the pretty girl lunching with that L'ellow? She nodded to you." "Oh! that's my wife., Didn't you know?" "Certainly 1 did not. You're ncver with her." "My dear man, we lunehcd togethei twice last nionth, anfi iast Saturdav she sent nie two theatre tlckms she couldn't use." tt vr -X* Quite Reasonable. — Ile hsd dined well, but unwisely. At last the timo came for him to go hone, In the street he apprcaehed a poikvman. "Ofllsher," he. said falteringly, "I'm looking for a parking-plaea." The policemau looked hard rJ 1 5m "But you've no car, sir," h'1 replied "Oh, j>-esh I have!" said the ma !Ur "It's in the parking place I'm looking for." A Winner. — ^He: So I suppose you loved and lost. She: Oh, no. I was awarded £500 damages. -vfc A Fading Flower. — "A very handsome woman, that Mrs Miller." "You ought to have seen her 15 or 20 years ago, when she was 10 years younger." X % -5r Reproach. — Male Straphanger: Madam, you are standing on my foot. Female Straphanger: I beg your pardon. I thought it helonged to the man sitting down. * # * The Draw.— Little Johnny proudly brought liis slate to liis "father to show him a drawing on it. "What's it supposed to be?" asked the puzzled parent. Johnny looked hurt. "Why, dad, you can see all right! It's a train," he said. Father smiled. "But you liaven't drawn the carriages," he put in. "Of course not, dad!" said the boy brightly. "The engine does that." * -x- -xSome Speed.— The guard of the very slow eountry train came lumbering along the corridor. »Presently he stopped outside a first-class compai'tment. "Pardon me," he said to the solitary passenger, "but I've got some bad news for you."

"Oh, and what has lxappened?" inquired the passenger, looking rather startled. "We've jxxst lxeard that Topwortlx Station, wlxere you were to get off, has been burnt to the ground," the guard replied solemnly. "H'm!" murmured the passenger, quite unconcerned. "That'll lxe quite all right. They will have rebuilt it by the time this confounded train gets thereP'-

i Naturaily. — M other: Why are you (cryirg, Johnny? Johr.ny: Dad told me to play on the piano, and 1 L'ell off. ** H* X" Natural To Hirr,.— "1 wish Bertram wculd stop acting the fool." "Ah! 'i lxat's the trouble — he isn't aci ir.g " "5»* •yj' A Roflooviion,— "Polished woman, i.Ii ;5 Sir.ni.k, doxx't you think?" "Ve.y Eve ytliifig she says casts a c.i. Ct.oxx on someone." Car.did. — "That snaptixot of me proves that the eaxxxera doesn't lie." "StiU, it needn't have been quite so cxxdid." vf vr *2v Woiiid Bo Dciighted.— A woman and her young son were walking through no tcy dcpartment of a big store. "How would the little iad like a game of Irdo !' asked the shopwalker, v. if.!' on eye to business. "Oh, Iio'd he delxglxted, if it's not t ;kii:g up ino mucix of your time," rej iliccl tixe wt.nian, beaming. Long-vyinded. — "I think marriages are vcelly x.mde in heaveix, don't you?" | "Wi ll, if all nien took as long to ! prepose rs you, xxxost of +hem would ) ix ;r"> to he."

Disliked Him — "I'm surprised your nxotlxer consents to yoixr marriage with Eric when she dislikes him so.'' "That's just the reason. She wants' to be lxis xxxother-in-law." w 4C-Non-Stop Variety — The hunter came panting up to one of the expedition party. "Just xxxet a great big bear in the woods," he said breathlessly. "Good!" said llxe other. "Did you give lxinx botlx barrels?" — The hunter wiped his perspiring brow "Rotlx Ixarrels be blowed," he returned. "I gave him the whole blooming gun!" X* vf . v!* Tv^ice Was Enough. — One Saturday Bill connted his wages and found that be lxad been paid 10/- too much, and lie complimented himself on hia gocd t'ortune. Xext week he found that his pay ! was 10/- too little. He immediately | went to the paying-out caslxier and ] toki lxim c;f the mistake. j "Why didn't you tell me about the iiixxe you were pahi 10/- too much?" j asked the caslxier, wlxo lxad got to hear j of the oeeasion. "Well." replied Bill, "I didn't mind you ninking ono mistake, but wlxen you made two xxxistakes I thought it i was about time I told you about it." One and Only. — Small Niec,q-.^_ Auntie, difi a man ever propose to you? . Aunut: Yes, dear. On the telephono. Small Niece: What did you say to him? Aunt: I lxad to tell him, dear, that they'd given him the wrong number. * Recovering. — Mx-s Blaek: I hope your new cook is recovering from her illness, Mrs Wlxite. Mrs White: Yes, indeed. Yesterday she was able to sit up and give notice. Making Things Safe. — Tired Tim, tho tramp, knocked on the door of the eountry cottage. "Morxxing. lady!" he said to the cottager. "Do you want to buy anything in ixxy line?" "Your line?" eclxoed the woman. "You don't mean to tell me that you are trying to earn an Ixonest living at last?" "Yes, lady," said the tramp. "What are you selling?" she asked lxim. "Dog clxains," came the reply. * -x Mis-read. — Mi's Nuwed was making lxer first attempt at cookery before tlie admiring eyes of her young husband. "The hook says 'Beat the white of eggs till stiff,' " she said. "I think they mxxst be done now." "Why, are tlxey stiff?" asked 'hubby. "No, but I am," she replied. •X -x ■X

A Big "But." — When supper was served, Helen refused a second helping of ice-cream with a polite but wistful, "No thank you!" "Do have some more, dear!" her hostess urged. "Mother told me to say, 'No, thank you,'" Helen replied naively, "but I don't think slxe could have known how small the first helping was going to ihe!"