BELIEVE IT OR NOT

Rotorua Morning Post, Volume 1, Issue 69, 12 November 1931, Page 6

BELIEVE IT OR NOT

OYSTERS! Mr. Matt. Hatta, a member of the Loon Council writes: — "I notiee that the Prinee of "Wales says we should take more interest in oysters. I have always taken a great interest in oysters, hut not having a Welsh stamp I was unable to write to the Prince of Wales and tell him so. "In conversation with an oyster I once propounded two schemes. (a) If oysters like being eaten, then they should grow -without shells, which are a nuisance, being very hard on the teeth. We already have shell-less prawns (and I have ideas for crustless bread, rindless cheese, and bottle-less beer). (b) If, on the other hand, oysters do hot like being eaten, they should remember that many people pour a little vinegar into one of the shells when they are having oysters, and the oysters should hore little holes in their shells so that the vinegar will run ouh This will make oyster eaters very annoyed, and they will go away vowing not to eat any more oysters. "P.S. — At present I anX trying to grow plush-lined oysters with pearls inside for the Christmas market. Will let you know how I get on." MENTAL ARITHMETIC Several younsters were gathered near the gate leading into the schoolground, and a kindly old gentleman got into conversation with them. "Now, laddie," he said to one of thcm, "let m,e see if you can addi up. If daddy gave you sixpence and mother gave you fourpence, and some kind lady gave you two pennies for running a message, what would you have ? " The juvenile gazed at his questioner and remained silent for quite a while' with wrinkled forehead. "Oh, come on, sonny," said the old chap, impatiently "you ought to be able to solve a little problem like that." "Half a mo., mister," said the boy. "I'm not sure whether I'd wait f'r Wensdee 'n 'ave a zac each way on somethin' or huy a hob share in a lott'ry ticket." WE THINK SO TOO "Remember," said the Wise Parent, "that it is not (smack!) in any spirit of mere anger (smack!) that I do this (smack!), hecause this (smack!) really hurts me (smack!) far more than it hurts you." "Father," said the Modern Child, resuming the erect posture- and tenderly caressing the injured part, it grieves me to'find that you force me into a position wher'e I am hound to disagree, for the very speeial circumstances governing the recent contretemps compel me to point out to. you -that this was one of those exceptional cases in which it is far better to give than to reeeive." HOW MUCH THE.LOT? In a huge iron cage in a Palermo church the only building that would hold the gang, languish 241 Sicilian desperadoes — the last of the Mafia. There is no truth in a rumour from Sydney that Ted Tait has cabled Mussolini offering to take them as a job lot for use in future grand opera productions; nor is it likely that the poor fellows will escape the gibbet through any representations of the fruit and fried fish industries, wh'ch are said to he heavily overstocked at present. What hope is left? Zoos and collectors, here's your last chance! PROBABLY Not failing to mention the time we went ta get measured for a suit last week. Not that we could pay for a suit, but we didn't want the tailor to get our of practice. "Do you carry a handkerchief, sir?" asked the tailor. We s'gnified by a curt nod that we had a handkerchief. "Well, in that case, sir I suppose you'd like a pocket?" THEY WILT! At a recent agricultural conference a speaker dropped this bonmot: "The easiest weeds to eradicate are widows' weeds, hecause a man has only to say 'Wilt thou?' and they wilt." THE STEIN SONG Two lads of noted power and pep Were Albert Ein, and Jacob Ep. — A pair of most d:stinguished Steins, Pursuing widely famous lines. But note, in spite of alY their fame, Those lines were not at all the same; They were not, as a child could tell, The sort described as parallel. While Albert put a kink in space, Jake uglifled the human race; While E:n. put Newton "on the spot," Ep. sculped the squalid and the squat. 'Twas Albert whose prodigious hand The Universe itself replanned; While Jacob's no less artful paw Produced a prehistoric squaw. But, lo! hy all accounts 'twould seem That Albert has revised his scheme: So is .there not a modest hope That Jacob might extend his scope ? If one of these distinguished Steins Can shoot r'ght off on novel lines, Well, why should not the other try Some newer sources of supply? Why should not artful Ep. eompete With something fluffy and petite? Some fragile and less bulging type, With hands less like large sheets of tripe? Be of good eheer — a change may come To strike the whole of Chelsea dumh. If Brother Ein. can change his step, Well, what about it, Master Ep.?