BELIEVE IT OR NOT

Rotorua Morning Post, Volume 1, Issue 23, 19 September 1931, Page 3

BELIEVE IT OR NOT

Rsal Life. An amusing little story was told after the recent performance of a play staged by a group of Sydney amateurs. It was during one of the first rhearsals, and concerned a pop- ' luar girl who was taking the juvenile lead. In a certain scene she was supposed to he firecely resisting an attempt on the part of one of the male cast to kiss her. The rhe-arsal, however, was far from satisfactory, and at length the producer said: "Come, Miss Blank, do please try to make this a little more life-like. Think now, haven't you ever tried to stop a young man from kissing you?" "ever," she replied.

The Early Bird. McThursty and McParched decided to swear off drink. In case of sickness it was decided to keep a bottle of whisky, unopened, in their flat. McThursty stood the self-de-nial test all that night bravely. At six next morning his stomach threw out a ..challeng-e to hina. McThursty went over to the snoring form of McParched and shoolc him. "Mon! it ain't nae use, I f ell ver' sick th' _noo, an' maun ha'e a wee drappie o' whusky," he wailed. McParched slowly opened his eyes and replied: "Ye're too late th' noo. I ha'e been ver' ill maself all th' nicht." Business Principles ! A city club is chuckling over a good story told by by one of the members — a man who ocntrols a large wholesale firm. He recently had occasion to engage a new book-keeper and was interviewing a lilcely-looking young man to who.m he put the. usual questions. "Of course," he said, "you understand double entry?" "Oh, yes, sir," re plied the young | man, confidently. ^ "In my last place | we had triple entry." i The manager was puzz1ed. "Triple ; entry," he echoed. "I'm afraid I ; don't understand you." "Well, it was Hke this, sir," ex- ; plained the applicant. "We had j one set of books for the boss, an- I other set for the shareholders, and | a third set for the taxation people." j i Up-to-Date. A "modern daughter" of an American business man went to a dancing establishnient outside New York with a boy friend. As they entered, the girl greeted an elderly man, who spoke a few j words to her and went upstairs. After he had gone, the boy asked: "Who was that?" "That was my father," said the girl. "And what dio he have to say?" "He said, 'Don't tell mother'!" Sfung ! Darby Riordan, heavyweight Sydney M.H.R., tells this story: — Hearing of a constiuent of whom he had lost traek, and who had borrowed £20 from him, he sat d«nvn and wi-ote iv'm a hearty letter, ence.ng by mentioning that he could do with the £20, and asking the borrower to send a cheque. Prompetly there carae back an equally hearty letter, from the borrower (who was in Noth Queensland) , and enclosed in it was a cheque for £20 — much to Mr. Riordan's surorise, as he had not been very optimistic, but also mucb to his delight. ; That was until he read the postscript: "If you sueceed in cashing this

cheque," wrote the borrower, let me know, and I will send you some more, and we will share the proeeeds." Just Tv/o Bad. On a bright, sunny Saturday afternoon recently at a subruban racecourse the quoues at the "tote" ticket windows gradually lengthened after eaeh event, and, as the time for closing down drew near for the third race, numerous "waiters," men and women alike, shuffled feet impatient- ■ y, and directed a joint glare at a stylishly-attired young lady as she pushed her way back to the window she bad just left and smxledapologetically through the aperture. "Pardon me," sho said, "but you've given me ihe wrong change." "I'm s rrv, ?nadam," the clerk wearily explair.ed, "you should have found that out before you went away. We can't rectify mistakes once you leave the window." "Oh, don't worry, it's all right with me," the girl smiled her adieu, "I'll think of you while I'm getting rid of the extra two shillings you gave me." As She is Spoke. The advice of the Prince of Wales to travellers to learn the language. of the countries they visit is not always easy, as Sir Ian Hamilton found in the Far East, The written characters used in Japan and China are identical, but the spoken languages are — ah ! so different. Sir Ian wanted to eompliment a famous geisha who rejoiced in the name of Sparrow. In " what he thouglit to be good Japanese he said, or meant to say: "My dear little Sparrow, how I w^ould like to take you away in a cage to sing to me for ever!" To his surprise the young lady turned her back upon bnm, indignantly. No wonder ! What he really said was :"My good Sparrow, I wish you would shut yourself up in a box!" Plumbing Errors. There seems to be a kink in the argument just put forward by the chairman of the Plumbing Trades National Apprenticeship Council ^ in London that plumbers are hecoming scarce because of the ridicule heaped upon them by jokesmiths. Income-tax commissioners have been the butt of witticisms ever since Pitt liit upon the horrible idea of such an impost, but is there therefore an yshortage of tax extorters? Manager ial mothers-in-law, like nagging wives, have run the gauntlet of myriad comic strips, but — why go on? Such things seem to thrive under ridicule. One Sydney citizen at least is convinced that the plumbing trouble lies with the plumbers themselves. When a gabardined gentleman of that cult turned up at his front door the other morning with a smirkful, "Well, you see, I haven't left any of me tools behind," it was a very curt houaeholdor who retorted, "No, you've merely come to the wrong house."