BELIEVE IT OR NOT

Rotorua Morning Post, Volume 1, Issue 19, 15 September 1931, Page 4

BELIEVE IT OR NOT

The Nurse Said. The son of a well known business man, ,is a good-looking, conlident, spoilt youth of 19. Before his admittance into a private hospital for appendicitis, he thought that every girl was crazy about him_. Sincef heing diseharged from the hospital several days ago he has changed his inirid. A story told at the hospital may solve the fnystery. t It appears that on riiany occasioris he had ogled the iiurses looklng af ter ' him, but, one night, a yourig arid pretty bloride attendant, after bathing His face and harids, asked whether there was anything else she could do for him. Flashing his best smile, the patient replied, "Yes, kiss me, dearie." With a perfect "poker face," the nu'rse an~ Swered as she left the ward, "I am sorry, soririy, but all the hard work- . around here is donb by the warcfsman." "Please Yoiirself!" A London Jew, detetniined to iiriprove his golf, went to Scotland recently and put in a fortnight's solid practice by himself at Carnoustie before he aslced the Starter to find him a partrxer. The Starter profd/iced the taciturn Donaldl who eyed the Jew carefully and asked' him hoW i mriny/he took to go rpund. "About a hundred," said the Jew. "I can just ge.t roond in aboot a hunder'd masel'," said Donald. "Then, to make the- gairie iritcresting, let us play for half-a-crown a hole?" "Ave. Please yersei',"- said Donald. j At ihe fifth the Jew was one up, arid, feelirig that he had the measure of his riian, suggested £1 a hole to make the gairie. eveft more interestirig. "Aye. Please yersei'," said Donald. At the corielhsion of the game the Jew departed iri dejectiott and Djonald sttolled back td the Starter. j "How did ye do, Doiiald?" he asked. "I won £4," growled Donald, "but yon man waS a damh liar. He was roond in 79:" A Stay of Proceedings. A elerlc employed by a well knowri soiicitor is still smiling about his victory over a very pompous stranger who walked into the ofiice and demande'd to see the legal luminary.' "I'm. sorry but he's not here," replied the clerk. "Is there anythirig I can do?"

"No," snapped the visitor. "I never deal with underlings. I'll wait until he returns." • "Yery well," said the elerlc, and went oh with his work. About half an hour later the visitor became impatient. "How much longer do you think he will be?" he demanded. "Nerirly a fortnight," replied the clerk. "He went away to Koseiusko yesterday !" Love Finds a Way! An old maid in one of the suburban parishes became attracted to the young curate. She made many attempts to interest .him, but she always failed badly. In desperation she asked if she mig'ht select the hymns for the Suriday service. The hymns she.picked ran as f ollows : — "Talce Me into the Darlcness, 'Lead Me Gently Home/ and 'Abide with Me'." ' j The Other Haif. With half a dozen dubious apples salvaged from the waste dump at the mornirig rriarkets, a couple o'f urChins sat down. at their Arthurian feast. | But while one cruhched with gigantic gusto into 'his fruity quota, he was greatly intrigued at the way his pal peered siispiciously into each bite before eating It. The finicky one even cut arid peeled each scrutineered tit-hit.

Unable to contain his curiosity any longer, the happy-go-lucky feeder tried, by sarcasm to draw from the other the reason for beirig so prirticular. But even his gibe about "gettin.' perlite, airi't we," did not evoke an explanation. ! Thinking at last he had solved the probiem, he said with some syiripathy: "Oh, well, it ain't much furi coming unexpected. on a grub, is it?" To which the other replied with witheririg wisdom: "I don't niind so much coming on a grub ; it's coming on half a grub that gets my goat!" .Newspaper Work! Reeently a reporter was forced to seek work in the- country. He considered he was rather lucky when he got a job on a small country newspaper. But at every turn the editor found fault with his worlc, and he Soon realised that he was not very popular. "Well, I'd better leave," he said one day. The only ahswer received was a non-commital grunt. "Nothing I do seems to please you so i think i'U go baclc to my, old business." This roused the editor's curiosity. "What was your old business?" he queried. "Newspaper work!" sriapped the young man shortiy.

Up Or Down? Whiie journeyirig by train to a distarit part of the diocese during, the week, a well-known Anglican Bishop had two soriiewHat uncouth fellow pasSengers for part of the trip. With the iritention evidently bf enibarassing liis lordship, the meri opened up a religious argument between theniselves, one finally remarking: "I've. often wondered how I'll manage tb get my coat over my wings when I get tb heaven." There was a lull for a moment, and then the man, turning to tiie bishop, suggested that he miglit be able to offer a solution':. ' "Sorry, don't think I can," ariswered the bishop proriiptly. "Your difficulty will be in getting your trousers over your tail." The Goods ! A traveller from a Sydney hrm reeently called on a new country customer, and gave him a snapshot bf a pretty girl in mistalce for his business car. "I have the honour to represent this establishment," he said proudly. I The business man looked at the snap for a few mbitients then observed: "Well, I hope you wili so'on be [ a partrier!"