SHOULD MARRIED MEN BE LABELLED.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XXXII, Issue 8845, 22 June 1907, Page 1

SHOULD MARRIED MEN BE LABELLED.

Married men should certainly bear a prominent badge or token to distinguish them from those outs.de the fold, writes Eembie Howard, in a humorous article in The Eapid. I am quite aware, of course, that the majoritj of married men haTe “ bagged” written all over them. There are half a hundred ways iu which the observant may distinguish the benedict. For example, the married man iuvar'ably carries an umbrella. No single man, unless he happens to lire with bis mother or sisters, ever canies an umbrella. The married man, again, is neat. The bachelor, on the other hand, runs to extremes. Be is either odiously smart or shabby. The married man rarely moves to and fro upon his way unburdened by three or fo«r parcels. The bachelor refuses to carry anything heavier than an evening paper. ■Where, then, you will say, is the necessity for the label? Here’U it lies: The habit of observation is not given to all, and, further, there is still the minority of benedicts who are cunning enough to preserve the airy, careless, unattached grace of the bachelor. Spinsters of all ages, X am glad to ib'rafc, will agree with me. They are all haunted by the awful possibility o£ wasting a diamond scarf-piu or a pair of gold sloevolinks on some other woman’s husband. It might happen to anybody. Some fluffy-mmded chaperon, introducing Miss Peterkm to Mr Lascellos-HoirinsoD, omits to mention that Mr Lascelles-Eobinson, is a married man with five chddren. Ten minutes later it is beyoud the 'lower of the chaperon to repair the omission, for Miss Peterkm has accepted Mr Robinson's invitation for a run in his motor car.

Presently it begins to rain, but Miss Peter kin, though her clothes and her complexion are rapidly becoming spoilt, does not lose her temper. She smiles, and beams, and assures Mr Eobinson that a good drive in the peltmg rain is her favourite hobby. Mr Eobinson is very attentive, he is the embodiment of tact; it seems natural, somehow or other, that he should assume a projective attitude. Miss Peterkiu can see that he is pleased with her for not being cross. She shakes half a gallon of water from the brim of her hat, and smiles away with redoubled vigour. When they return, a lady of middle age aad curiously set expression is waiting in the shelter of the porch to receive them. Mr Eobmsou’s protective manner Vanishes in an ' shf-t., Re even becomes a biile brusque, and pretends to be be busy W’th bis s/Uy cylinders whilst Miss Peterkm descends from the car unaided. Then the wretch exclaims cheerfully, “ Hullo, dear ! Ob, Miss Pelerkin, allow me to introduce you to my wife !” Puzzle : What should Miss Peterkiu do ?

Such tradegediettas are being enact-1 ed every day, and tbe only remedy, so j far as I can see, is tbe label. But I wbat form stall tbe label take P Tbe < old-fashioned ring, obviously, is qu’ie j useless. Mr Robinson would probably I be weaving'gloves whilst in bis motor- | ear. , {

If the ring were passed through the | rose, the married man would certainly S be definitely labelled, but there are | several arguments against this drastic I coarse. Tbe operation would "add a| new terror to marriage, and we all | tnow that that is not desirable. I How would it be, I wonder, to hare I married men neatly tattooed between ! (be eyes ? This would be disfiguring i — any rate, they would soon get used i to it—-and there is not much chance of eonstmctiflg i cap or bat in such a way as to bide tbat particular portion of the face. As to tbe discomfort of tbe operation, that is nothing. You will not hit on a better solution of a ;long-standing evil. As to the actual device, tbe wife’s monogram would look pretty and tasteful. In the case of widower, it would be easy to run an oblique line through tbe lettering.