OUCH!

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 6, Issue 335, 4 December 1917, Page 2

OUCH!

When you fiud in learning English, b-o-ug-h is "how," Then c o-u-g-h. of course, you'd fancy would be "cow,'' But no, when I pronounce it so, the natives only sc'ff, For "cow" is c o-w, c-o-u-g h is "coff"! Then if to "bough" you add a "t" you'd think it would make "bout''; But oh. no ! Once again you'll find you're got a li'tle out. It's "bought," and bout's another word with quite a different spelling (Oh, dear! the muddle of it all upon my brain is telling !) Taen t-o-u-g-hl try. I,makeashot with "toff"*— ! Hut no ! although I'ai near the mark, I'm still a little off, ! F.ir some mysterious reason "to u-g-h" is "tuff"i Though h o u-g hj, I tiad, is neither "h >ff" nor •■huff," But '•hock"l :Vh, me! How strange it i* ! There seems nor rhyme n .r reason , To spell "Jock" d-o-u-g h is orthographic treason, I For d-o-u-sr-h is never anything but "doe," ! Though t-h r-o-u-g-h is neither • throck" nor "throe." ; It's "tlifoo." then s c-u g-h I boldly try but ugh! ! A man who hails from north of Tweed ! declares the word "sooch" ! Pat Murphy hears the Scotchman's word and slyly whispers "och" ! I And don't forget, y'r honour, 1-o-u g-h is "lock." I A'as ! how can a foreigner this awful laugunge pick up, j In which the j'relis h-i-c transforms "cough" to "hiccup." ! English the universal speech ! Nay, I ~ nav, life's far too short PTo waste o'er idiosyncrasies of such preposterous t-ort. / 1)r J. Esslemouxt. "The British