BODGER.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 6, Issue 288, 29 June 1917, Page 2 (Supplement)

BODGER.

A TANK STORY. ' Hi, Bodger! Just keep cJear of my weighing machine! Its only up to a quarter of a urn, and I'm not taking any risks.''

Temporary Captain Bodger. R.G.A., turned sadly awav from the Ration. Depot, and lumbered back to his howitzers. He was an excellent officer, and bis Sin. shells reached their address in Bocheland with the precision of a postal delivery. But he weighed 20 stone, and hij girth was threatening his career.

Only yesterday he had walked five miles to a field artillery observing station in the trenches, whence he was to range on a new German redoubt, and had ignominiously failed to get through the tunnel. A party of grinning Tommies had taken -10 minutes to enlarge the entrance for him; the subaltern to whom the observation post belonged had complained of his attracting the attention of the enemy's airmen by waiting outside, and tae general, who unfortunately went by, had regarded him with a send-him-to-the-baste look in his eye. Something must be done, but what?

Bodger had a light lunch of three chop.! and a plate of ham, trifled with some suet pudding and cheese, and ordered a second .bottle of beer to assist his meditations. But the only idea that emerged was a transfer to'the Coast Defence, and this involved boat work, which Ids stomach loathed. With a regretful glance at the empty bottles, he went back to his work.

But in the meantime an intelligence of a higher order had heen shaping his de itinies. The Army commander, hearing the tale of the tunnel and the observation post, had remarked': "Sound gunner, is he ? No use sending him to tile Transport: lorries are overloaded already. There's one thing in thin Army that's up to his weight, and that's a tank. Shift him over, will you?" SITTING ON THE TAIL. When the great man spoke things moved quickly, and in the battery Bodger met an orderly with a "memo." directing him to report at once to H.M. landsliip Mastodon for instruction. The Mastodon was a new .'hip. Her commander, a cavalry major, was pleased to get a good gunnery man who was also useful as shifting ballast. Bodger took kindly to his new duties and the tank steered sweetly under his sympathetic hand.

A week later the Mastodon took part in a minor push—a little affair of btradghtening the line. There wa> a parapet to get over, and the Mastodon, according to custom, cocked up her tail and charged it. Now if thing? had gone right the tail should have come down with a whump, throwing her nose up, and she should have cleared the bank like a tortoise jumping. But the gluelike, mud piled under her belly, her tail remained up, her nose down, and she hit the face of the bank with a bump like a luggage train in collision. She backed out, but her tail remained high in air.

It was then that Bodger first distinguished himself. „He squeezed through a door. Heedless •of the bullets which hummed round him, he swarmed tip the tail with the determhm ation of a bull walrus and sat on tne end of it. There was no mistake about the tail coming down this time. The Mastodon charged again, nose well up, and got over the bank, kicking up a shower of clods behind her. Bodger stuck to his percn, though the shell-* splinters whanged on the armour, and got off ,with nothing rwoi«e than a chipped ear. After tliil he became a tank enthusiast, and when his major was promoted Admiral of the Fleet and hoisted his flag in the Mammoth, Bodger succeeded to the command of the Mastodon. He painted her in a beautiful chromatic colour-scheme, and fitted a larder and a cushioned beer-bin. Ho worked up his crew at gunnery till they could hit a Bochf parapet while bumping across country. He enjoyed four solid meals a day and ceased to repine at his increasing weight. THE GREAT WRESTLE. Tiie Big Push came on, and Bodger'* j Mastodon proved the smartest laindship in the fleet, while at gunnery she could have given points to the Excellent. There came a day when we pierced deeplv into the German lines, and with it came Bodger's chance, which has* made his ntime in the Land Fleet. He saw a locomotive half a niilq. in front dragging off a couple of howitzers along a light railway, :uid, regardless of the admiral's warning toots, he made for it across the trenches. Furious Germans tried to rush him as he ploughed through their lines, but' he held tne Mastodon to her course, spouting flame on both broadsides. Field guns were 'hurriedly turned on him, but the shells mi>st'd or glanced from the armour. He headed off the locomotive by a bare •50 fathoms, and reversing his starboard chain, jockeyed the sharply round to meet it.

Now when a W-tou locomotive, haul- ! ing double its weight of heavy howitzer, meets a 100-ton tank, both all out, something is almost certain to happen. This time it WP6 the unexpected. The antagonists stood on their tails, locked I for ;» moment Like wrestlers, and then ! -luldenly disappeared from view. The ! raihray crossed a hollow road at the ! point of encounter bridge had given way. Down went the locomotive, wiieels uppermost, with the Mastodon on top i;t it. The trucks with the monrter howitzers lumbered on and pit-lied on top of the heaip. But the tank, though dented like :ui old tin can, was little the worse, and the Germans, who expected to find a wreck, were met by shells and machine-gun fire. There was no holding our men that day. and they pressed on well beyond the hollow road where the Mastodon had •brought up." When the le:wliug battalion reached her they found Bodger luiii lung on deck, with a dozen bottles of !"'i-r standing ready for his visitors. He ivn> asked to describe his trip acrosi the German trenches, but preferred to expatiate on the perfections (if In- cushioned Leer-bin. "Only two bottles broken and J believe one i i' thrin bad gone flat !'•' A uf\v 1,000-h.p. tank, carrying a Gin. gun, i> ready for launching, and Bodger will command her. He is looking forward to steering her through tin strei t- of Berlin.