THE LAUGHING AIRMAN.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 6, Issue 281, 1 June 1917, Page 2 (Supplement)

THE LAUGHING AIRMAN.

TRUE STORIES OF A LIVELY YOUNG PILOT IN FRANCE.

He is little more tnan a schoolboy, and must be one of our youngest fliers. Ho had been up in the air for soma hours patrolling the lines. "I got Archied (shelled) two or three times," ho casually remarked, "but nothing really annoying."

When he came down in the aerodrome ho found that one of those Archies had male a six-inch hole in the tad plane. " I was rather pleased when I found that !" he writes home, "as it is something to say that your machine has been lut bv Anhie."

And he adds: "The ping-pong set has arrived!"

Over and over again in this entertaining 'l)ook ("War FJying," by a Pilot—John Murray,) you find this amazing boy writing as if night-flying over the German lines were a picnic, and tennis the really exciting tiling. Tim "pilot" is in reality a boy of nineteen, and the book is composed of exhilarating extracts from his letters — letters that had been written, of course, with no thought of greater publicity than his own family.

'Just come down from a shoot," he says. " We got some pretty good Archie at us . . I dropped a. couple of bombs. I must get tea, and then to tennis." And again: "1 have not much news to-day, except that I have had a splendid ga.mo of tennis and a rather pleasant !>ombing ra'd." One minute he is telling you how ho ' scrapped" with a Fokker—"and it was ripping!" The next he is saying that he has been to a "flicker .show" behind the lines, "with a Charlie Chaplin film, and tea, and patisserie! Ah!" •IT'S TOP-HOLE, YOU KNOW!" What can even a Hun do to depress tho spirits of so incorrigible an optimist? Listen to this joyous whoop: "I've got a top-hole souvenir now. it is a machine-gun bullet which my rigger found in my fuselage—that is to say, tho aeroplane fuselage. It 's bent 'some,' as it smote something rather hard—a bomb !"

A shell bursts wth a terrific noise under the tail of his machine. He looks round, sees the tail is. still there, says ""That's funny!" and goes on. He comes a cropper with a load of bombs, but he isn't hurt, the machine isn't damaged, and he steps out in time to shake hands with the terrified mechanics who have rushed forward to pick up the corpse. "They were awfully 'bucked' about my escape," he say*, gleefully. But he sn't always so lucky.

" I liavo a littlo news for you this time. To let you down lightly, I will tell you that I am having several new walkmg-stk'ks made (as souvenirs), and with your usual Sherlock Holmes intelligence you will deduce, quUo accurately, that I have carefully and conscientiously reduced a B.E. 2C. to its, molecular constituents —in other words, 'crashed it.' "Now, don't worry, as I am perfectly all right and thoroughly enjoying life. "To sum iij) my work for the last twenty-four hours, I have had three forced landings, four hours'-odd flying, and one night flight, and a crash not had, eh !-" GIVING THE BOYS A SHOW.

For preference our young pilot finishes up his "stunts" by looping the loop, or doing a spiral for the Ixiiefit of :i few thousand Tommies and Huns in the. trenches—"just to show there's no ill-feeling.'' as he puts it. And he's young enough to love chocolates and cake.

[ took up some chocolate the other day when 1 was up on patrol, and gave some to the observer in the air, and we munched away for some t'me. He was a sergeant, one of the ancient observers, and he did not know that when I waggled the joystick—thus l shaking the 'bus from side to side — I wanted him to turn round. I waggled away for about five minutes, and he sat tlwro quite <xmuntedly, thinking to himself (ax he afterwards, told me) that it was rather a bumpy day Then I started switch-back'ng and he endured that, though on what theory 1 don't know. Finally I nearly had to loop h'm to persuade him to turn round, and when he did so he had a grin on his face and a sort of "Think-you-can-frighten-me-w ith-your - stunts you gvjdy-kipper' look as well.

JOCK IN MID-AIR. Here's a delicious yarn: " I took up a Scotch sergeant a couple of days ago. He was a j>erfect '■stream.' 'Can you tell me where ahm tae pit ma feet, an' where ahm no tae pit them Y he asked. He quite enjoyed the flight, though, and looked round once with a huge grin and said 'Bon!' "

This is a wonderfully illuminating story of a life-and-death struggle that is repeated every day :

'•Yesterday (>• and I were doing r» big shoot some four miles or so over the lilies, and a« it was a hit misty we went up to about 6,000 feet and sat right over our target for about a quarter of an hour. ••There was a Hun patrol of three machines buzzing round that neighbourhood, and when they got within n few hundred yards, I thought it was about time to draw O.'s attention to the matter. Ho sat up with a jerk, gave a quick glance round, never noticed 'em, glued himself on his target again. " 'All right,' I said to rny-elf. 'you'll ,vake up With a jumpjn a minute. A FIGHT TO THK DKATII. "To inv surprise two of the Huns took no notice of us and went on, while the th'rd eirclod about very diffidently « : '' hing us. Once he |, ;>> sed right over about 200 feel .-liove u-\ and at that moment (!. i,,,ke,l up. Vou could see the bla k iron croons painted on a background if silver on the wing-, and at tli i ('•. moved, and damn quickly too. •■ I was busy watching the Hun. ;ll id didn't feel a bit excited or nervous. I wad lied and wailed, and then suddenly the Hun stull'ed li>- iiom' down and swooned behind us, and we heard bis machine gun pop-popping ; ,wav like mad. •• | waited nil he was about a hundred yards away, and then did a vertuallv banked 'about turn.' and went s ] ; ,j) for hint, and let hull have about forty round- rap'd at about seventy yards range. (i. had hi- gnu ready tn tire, when til" Huu turned and made lor home. " We chased him a -hort way pisi

for moral effect, and then went back to our target and on with our job. We were awfully surrp'sed when he didn't come back. •' I suppose we seared him or something. This little chat took about 7,000 feet up, and live miles on thoir side of the lines. '• Was up 'smorning: jolly'cold. The guns are going like Rachmaninoff's Prelude." DON'T COME IT! Here's another gem : One of the best pilots at the front one dav crashed on the top of soma trees. He got out, and was standing ny the remains of his machine when ;i'staff officer came up and remarked : '■ 1 suppose vou've had a smash !" • Oh-n-no," stuttered the pilot, who was. to put it mildly, somewhat savage. " I always 1-land 1-like this." Tho staff "officer, annoyed in his turn, said: "Do you know whom you arti speaking to? What is your name!'" To whun : " Don't try to c-conie the comic p-policeman over me. Y-You'll f-fiud my n-number on my tail p-plane."

Our author reckons that an adventurous life in the air service is far more comfortable than liomg in the trenches —and much safer, too. Ho has his own little hut, Hit. liy Oft. with withstand, shelves, and hooks, and it 's reallv ([iiitc snug. "As I wr'to I hear a lively bugle hand m the distance on the inarch. More troops going up to the trenches, 1 suppose. Our gramophone still plays on, our gardens and flower-hods are bloommg, and all is well." its kiimm.m; NotV the -(-Imoll.oy -pint in this : •• I was up S,(MKI feet this morning, bill the whole sky was < louded over and one could not -ee the ground. Hying iu-t above tile -lolids it was L'o'rgeou'-: one I'eli like leaning out ii'iuf grasping a handful of snow and leaking .-nowbalk the clouds were so llull'v and white.

" I bad a splendid game of tennis yesterday, and was in topping form. Lightning services. Swish '" And the eoiitra-t : One Archie hurst iu-t in front of us, and I looked up to see the corporal I bad as passenger disappear in the smoke as we actually Went thr< ugh it. Ii was like going through a tiny cloud. 1 have heard and seen plenty of Anlne In-fore, but never before smelt it.

Ties hook, to plag'a'i-e Hie author, is ripping. Ii is ;; tear shell which will bun-; leal - of merriment to the eyes of the Mildior and the civilian alike.