MINOR MATTERS AT WAR OFFICE.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 6, Issue 278, 25 May 1917, Page 2 (Supplement)

MINOR MATTERS AT WAR OFFICE.

By A St'BALTERX. I <im in a position to write upon tli's subject, as I nave friends in the bu'ldln"' ?' 10l 'gh Ido not nivself hold a staT •ippomtment. it be understood at once that i: is not my intention liero to impart to 110 general public anv secrets I may Have glen nod from my official friends. -\or for that ni. tter must it bo supposed either that offic-aLs at the War °mce alu ''. vs know everything about the war. J hey know, or endeavour to know, everything about the war that affect, their own department, but outside of that department thev are often pertor-o for lark of time for irrelevant study—more ignorant than the man who reads las daily paper. This limitat'on of knowledge among War Office officials is not always understood bv the general public.

l*oi- example, f have in mnid .a certain evening when an old ladv, the aunt of a departmental chief, rang up her nephew to say that she liad heard that the Zeppelin'; were coming that night. The head of the department repl'ed courteously over the telephone that it was very possible. The old lady asked had ho not heard so himself. The head of the department, whose work had nothing to do with tlie defence of England against hostile aircraft, and who had Wn ne?k deep in documents and never left his room all day, replied that he personally had heard no rumours of approaching Zeppelins. Tho old lady then almost screamed clown the telephone that Sir Someltody .Something—mentioning a man -in a high position—had just rung her up to teli her that the Zeppelins were coming. The official answered that .f Sir Somebody Something had said so they probably were. Well, the Zeppelins did come that night, and the old ladv has gone about ever since saying that on tlie occasion of the raid in question she rang up the War Office to know if the Zeppelins were coming and they were not able to tell her if they were or not. # * * # Looked at from the comic side, some of tho telephone calls received at the War Office havo their humour. One in particular I remember which was recounted to me by the harassed official to whom it happened. It was during tho first fortnight of tho war, when the severest possible strain was being put on all the staff. The official in question was sleeping the night at the War Office, and had a telephone by his camp bed. Part of his role was to deal with the movements of troops, and, as our Expeditionary Force was at that moment being transported across the water, it may be imagined that his was no easy task. In the small hours of the morning lie had settled down to try to snatch an hour's sleep •when the telephone bell by his bed rang furiously. " Hullo!'' Ho took off the receiver. 'ls that tho War Office? 7 ' a distant voice filtered over across the line. Yes. Who is speaking?" "Second-Lieutenant Jones, of the Ist Blankshires,'' came the answer.

'What oan I do for you?" asked the official "I want to know if I can dismiss my squad." •'Want what?"

Second-Lieutenant Jones then proceeded to explain that he had been posted with twenty men on top of a hill near a certain inland town in the afternoon by his adjutant, and that the adjutant had gone away and apparently forgotten about Wm, and that he did not know where to find anybody, and so had gone to the i earest post office and rung up the War Office. He was told with perfect courtesy by the official that in the circumstances he might dismiss his squad. The hours at the War Office are long. Tho average staff officer works from ten in the morning till 7.30 at night, and often begms earlier and ends later. He gets very few holidays—four days in tho summer, perhaps, or four days at Chr'stmas. Neither Saturdays nor Sundays are recognised as days of leisure, and though in theory officials are supposed to get one clear day off for themselves a week, in practice they are often not able to take advantage of this concession. I know that for a period of over four months all the time that one officer got to himself was Sunday afteroons. On Sundays he would work up till lunch time, and then go out for the afternoon to see his friends, returning again to the War Office alwut six to go through any papers that might have accumulated in his absence.

A word about the Secret Hand. I never myself met anyone who had been brought into contact with th's mysterious being to whom legend attributes female origin, and who is popularly supposed to possess infinite power over, among other institutions, the War Office. When Henry (a friend of mme) first got bis job he had high hopes of adventure. He imagined himself in the softly lighted boudoirs of great and beautiful ladies who were trying to cozen him into being a party to all sorts of intrigues. His official position being that of a junior officer temporarily employed in the building while on sick leave, and carrying rather more importance than a messenger boy but less responsibility than a confidential clerk's. I am not quite sure what he could have done to help the aforesaid beautiful ladies, but st'U he liad his dreams. Well, anyway, he confessed to me that while be was at the War Office he never did conic in contact with the Secret Hand.

I remember on one occasion at r, Sunday tea-party seeing Henry patronizingly assuring a good dame who seemed inclined to make friendly advances in the way of invitations v> lmich that ho would always be pleased to do anything he could for her. and afterwards discovering that she was the ■wife of a member of the Army Council: and on another occasion, when pressed by an anxious mother to see if he could not get a little parcel conveyed to Russia for her son, saying that nothing could l»o simpler, and that' lvet would a>k a friend of h's. who wvq going out on somebody's staff, to take it. But when tho "little" parcel, which he had imagined h : * officer friend going out to Russia would slip into his dressing-case, arrived, it proved to !>o a packing-case containing six buns, which it took two men to carry, and he told me that be was not able in this case to hj? of iiny a.-i'-stwc.