TANKS.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 6, Issue 272, 4 May 1917, Page 4 (Supplement)

TANKS.

Tho following vertos, by Dr. W. Monro Anderson, have been recited baforc many enthusiastic audiences by Miss Esiue Beriuger, and, in responso to numerous requests, were printed m the "Daily Express"' (London) for the liret t'nie: —

I used to drive for Tilling's just about a year ago, All tho w;iy from Ealing Broadway to tho Bank, Till they pinched me for the Army, and in scarcely : arf a mo' Was presented with the Order of the Tank. I'm a Dreadnought and a Dngon and a Zepp. rolled into one — In fact I don't know what you'd call mo quite. I'm a sort ctf Trench Marine on a giddy old machine, Which it doesn't carry nort nor starboard light.

Slio's a crazy sort of jigger, just a »cnd of mongrel tyke. But it's wonderful the things that she can do. She's a cross between a rhino and a 'pporpotannis, W'th a dash of all the lodgers iif the Zoo. Sho is what the 'oary anc-ients called a hicthysorius, And she turns the scale at 'arf a million tons; And I've seen 'er at a meal swallow nght up off the reel Just about a 'arf an army corps of 'Uns.

She's all right when you know 'or, but you've got to know 'er first, For siie takes a bit of timo to understand ; But now she's got to like me she will come and lick me I toot®, And she'll even eat the shrapnel from mo 'and. But a Boche is wot upsets 'er, and a Boche is wot sho 'ates — S'io's a cyclone if she appens to eec rod; For sho's just like all the ladies, and sho'll blow the roof off Hades Befora you're t'mo to sit upon 'er 'ead.

Now the Boches in their trenches 'ad been lyin' snug and low— They thought we'd g«!ue to Blighty for tho day— But tho tanks 'ad 'awled tho r anchors when the touts was out of sight, Just to do their final gallops for the fray, Till 'A'g the Army started with a stopwatch in 'is 'and, Took and blew 'is win stle somewhere up tho line, And Karl and 'Ans and Fritz threw about a dozen fits. While we gave the M ghters Wot Oh! on the Rhine.

Before the gate was lifted wo 'ad broken through tne tapes, And 'ad broke into a two-step past the stand, With tho Boches' ugly optics fairly bulging from their 'cads When we did the Kb no Glide on Xo Man's Lnnd. There was Karl and Frit* and 'Ermau with their 'ands stuck in the air, For the rest of them 'ad taken to their 'eels; But tli£> tanks just „howed their paces. Lor'! thos« poor old Boches" faces, Well, r 't took a month to scrape them off tho wneels.

Wo nosed .about their trenches for about an 'arf an 'our— It, was marvellous the w.iv the beggar* 'id— But tlie Caterpillar Can-Can was wot turned the boggart out, And we gave Yin Yal do Traver* when they did. You may talk ot' Balaclava, but you should have soon the tanks Vv'uen we sighted old von Sour-Kraut and "'s Staff; But the 'Oolans on the '(.rues wasn't cut for Iron Crosses, So wo 'ad to do without their 'ortygrarf.

\Yo bullock?d through t:iu r trencher like a 'ord of buffalo, Then w« tango'd into Flcrs to find .1 pub, AYliilo the bloke wiio came to etop usjust by 'oidin' up is 'and, AY ell, we barged Mu through the ralin's of a club. AYe was just a ki nd of >ort of travellin' sausage foundery, t'or wo wiped out 'arf the town before wo lunched, When tho blighters in the 'ouses gottiie wind fa'r up their trousers, And they wouldn't stop to 'ave their tickets punched.

They sniped us through the grating and they lsjn;bed us iroin behind— They were 'cavin' round old iron everywhere— But t:ie tanks, they 'ardly felt H through their armour-plated corsets, And they d;dn't even t;;rn a &ngl? "iiir.

It was Daly's and tho Oxtord and the Pav. rolled into one A", we set to partners on the blighters' flank. And of all the funny mixtures, Charlie* Chaplin on the pictures "Asn't 'arf the com c antics cf a tank.

-W. MONRO ANDERSOX