Christmas on a Battleship.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 237, 22 December 1916, Page 3 (Supplement)

Christmas on a Battleship.

A RED-LETTER DAY. The eagerly looked forward to Christmas observances in the Navy will once again suffer considerable eclipse. Some of our fighting crews on Christmas Dayare pretty certain to find themselves in half-a-dozen theatres of war, and_ Christmastide for them will be a festive" memory, assisted mayhap by a double dose of grog. But given anything like a chance, Jack Tar will not let Christmas pass without the usual big effort towards making it the red-letter day of the year. Festive time is formally heralded on board the warship by the chiming of eight bells at midnight, and ere the last note has died away the ship's band strikes up a stirring air, as it perambulates the broad decks. From now on to eight bells twenty-four hours later, festivities and privileges, unknown to any other period of the year, hold undisputed sway. These privileges are very numerous, and are. of course, taken full advantage of. A few are not devoid of humour. Thus, the boys of the ship—and all under eighteen years of age are reckoned boys—to: bidden to .'■moke in ordinary times (though most of them possess pipes) are now permitted to light up. RFLES RELAXED. Even the cast-iron rule which enacts that the sailor shall not smoke on the mess decki is side-tracked immediately tlre Christmas dinner has been disposed of. The galley lires, which must ordinarily he extinguished a,t 9 p.m., are blazing red at midnight, ay, and long after midnight, and a small army of cooks (and there are many excellent cooks in the Navy) are busy at work preparing the- viands for the Christmas spread. The master cook, looking quite chef-like, in a faultlessly white jacket and cap, personally superintends the mixing of the batter which is soon to take on the welcome shape of a Christmas duff. Appetising smells begin to steal around the lower deck, and the keen nose may even detect the festive aroma of rum, which is used in generous quantity in the duff batter. On the great steel deck a score of nimble Jacks are rapidly transforming their environs into a veritable fairyland with evergreens entwined skilfully with screws of coloured paper, and what before were cold, steely corners are converted into charming alcoves, sparkling witli scores of electric lights, •charged from the big dynamo in the engine-room. In the central position of honour, suitably garlanded, is probably a portrait of the King, fixed up by some loyal tar. with the motto beneath, "Our King, God bless him"; and in other selected nooks will be fsund pictures of those Admirals, living and dead, most in favour or strongest in memory. THE DRY CANTEEN PROFITS. Though the small hours of morning may now have come, no sailor thinks o& going to bed; if he did it could hardly be to sleep, as the lower deck is humming with merry life. Besides, there is quite a heap of preliminary Christmas business to be disposed of, apart from the all-important galley duty. This is the time of the year when the dry canteen disgorges its profit; for the past twelve months among the messes . ccncerncd. These disbursements do not take the shape of cash but are very acceptable nevertheless, seeing that they embrace such seasonable dainties as mince pies, raisins, and dried fruits, spices, cordials, and currant loaves. The wet canteen, not to be outdone, adds to the general jollity by throwing in an extra pint of beer per man on Christmas Day. There seems to be something or everybody to do, and a watchful eye may even have to be kept on certain of the volunteer cooks who, when brought into such close companionship with good of the liquid kind, may begin the festivities a little too early and lot the roa.st beef burn to a cinder while they blissfully suooze.

At norm on Christmas Day the first ceremonial of Yule-tide logins. The Nontry .strikes eight bells with more t!um usual vigour, and as the ship's *oand responds with a merry air the captain, with his leading officers, issues iiorth on a tour of inspection of the various mess tables, receiving everywhere an ovation and a pressing invitation to I tare something. As the last table is passed the captain gives a signal, whereupon the boatswain's mati? blows a- fantastic crescendo on his whistle, and in double quick time men and viand-; meet together to the contusion of the latter. SOME DROLL CUSTOMS. Wliat follows the diniiir dependi much upon the customs surviving ji that particular ship. Some of these are very dioil and have withstood the lavages'of time, but others are rapidly becoming ancient history. One of tin most interesting of Christmas obeyances is that known as " Topsyturveydom,'' and, almost needless to say, it Is confined strictly to the lower deck, hoys, who for 3U4 days in the year have to wash up dishes, scour pots and pans, peel potatoes, and generally act a~ "slaveys" of the mess, are by the rules of "'Topsyturveydom'' excused from such fatigue duty on Christmas Day—not merely so, but are waited on by their former masters into the bargain. Very often, to heighten the contrast, the smallest lads are told off to ulieve boatswains, boatswains' mates, and even quartermasters of their duties, exeicising their erstwhile'power to older their superiors to run errands •nid do the menial work. It is tremendous sport to all concerned, but ,'n most ships this fine old observance is on!v a memory.

Another Christmas practice, eagerly anticipated by the Jack Tar, but very often with misgiving by the quarterdeck gentlemen, was very much in evidence fifty years ago, though it is still observed on some ships. The junior oifiivjs, perched on the shoulders of shipmates, were trotted round the vosel in acclamation and a fusilade of coloured paper balls, .according to the popularity of the "rider." But woo betide the officer parading himself thus egainst whom the men had a grudge. AX IMPROMPTU PROGRAMME. Christinas fun on most of the big ships is more or less of an impromptu nature, but none the less agreeable. A sailor will suddenly jump from nowhere in particular and command attention by making a. bigger row than anyone else, to effect which he may ring ,i huge bell. "Hey, ho! Just arrived, London's most famous trio —three men with six \oicos," and forthwith there put in an appearance, amid a welcoming clash of beer mugs, three sylph-like creatures, clothed in amazing varietv, considering the limits of a sailer';

wardrobe. Without further introduction the famous trio let themselves go in a vocal tangle of bass, baritone, and mock soprano, earning unlimited offers of beer from ths common fund or i shower of unedible missiles, according to the degree of success attained. With the ball thus set arolling local talent ci mes quickly to the scratch. In the way of a little variety, the bell is requisitioned to announce what is declared to be "Positively the last appearance of Mephisto Brown before departing for the Tropics."' Mr. Brown is an adept at producing things out of nothing and making them vanish again, and he finally winds up a brilliant " turn*' by causing another man's mug o f beer to disappear, returning the empty nmg amid frantic appreciation. And so the fun waxes fast and furioas till eight bells sound once more, and the ship resumes her former well-regu-lated routine for another year.

The Rector —"Thank you for your seasonable wish, my little man; but this is an important day of the closing year. Give me the tidings, and 1 will give you suxpenee." Boy—"'Yessir. Father's broke his leg: baby's got the whooping cough; and mother's soul the mangle to pay the rent!' :