MUDDLES IN THE PULPIT.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 197, 4 August 1916, Page 4 (Supplement)

MUDDLES IN THE PULPIT.

FUNNY MISTAKES MADE BY PARSONSSa:d a brother parson to me the other day: "Its quite a relief topreach in another church." Naturally. I couldn't lose the opportunity of asking «•aether the relief was to his congregation, or himself? He was honest enough t say " Both!" There may, liowever, Le occasions, jvhen you wished you had stayed ft home. Here are some instances: I went to preach at another church, find, as I entered the porch, siw thisnotice on the door : 1 he congregation are reminded that today s collection is for th-e 'Bell Bund, and a liberal response is asked for." Now there's nothing like being topi•al and local in a sjrmon, so I referred to that notice, spoke of the charm of church bells, the sweetness of tho rolling echoes as they parsed over mountain and valley, and so forth. I concluded by making fervent appeal Ut tho hearts, and tfienc* to the pocket*, of tho congregation. THE CAP DIDN'T FIT Alas! The "Bell Fund" was tu lic'jy a very deserving case—the widow and vhildren of a poor fe'low named Bell who Lad been suddenly killed undermost distressing circumstances! Yo*» don t mind my not dwelling further on it, do you P It pains. There's a moral, of course*, and t'hat is that vicars should * !, ke down notices which have expired On another occasion I had exchanged with a friend. He was to preach at my -•hurch, and I at hifc. He left a noffr on lAie vestry table. "If you can work it into youi rfernion without trouble, say soniething about the drinking crazeVery bad here. They'll take it better from you than from me. They II be plenty in tlje congregation whom the cap will fit." It was that 'ast sentence which deeded me. I'm not one of those who think that it's the slightest good railing at those who are present in church because others who ought to lie there nr<> not there. Nor is it much good to Mash at drunkenness when you face a perfectly temperate assembly. But if the cap would fit, that was another matter entirely. So I let go. I knew f was getting home, for quite a dozen people left the church while I was preaching. Uneasy consciences!

THE SAME SERMON'. The churchwardens were strangely quiet in the vestry after the service, and I gathered that the collection was a poor one. Sill, what was that, if 1 h*d done good!' On the Tuesday afterwards I received a note: "It wasn't t'he drinking craze I wanted you to refer to, but tiie linking craze. o;ir classes, cluta, cho'r practices, ar. Aep'eted. All at tlio skating rink." Next please! Let mo say it with al! modesty, i really am quite a good preacher. Only there comes a wepk now and again when inspiration fails. A great preacher at St. Paul's had preached a great sermon. It was reported, verbatim, in a certain paper. 1 confess that I used that sermon u*icn 1 preached in the evening at a church in the country. Had I been preaching at home li slioliid have said, as a preface, mat J was using Canon Blank's words, but away from home 1 tiiouglit it didn't matter.

Alas, the vicar had. in the morning, also used Canon Blank's sermon! You want to know th* sequel You think we were both found out? No. Thestory amongst tlie lo'-aLs was that I found the vicar's sermon in'his study and, "seem' 'twere a good 'un, darned if 'c hadn't use;! 'un! An' were propper found out. too!" JXoar tne! Such is life.