COMIC OPERA NAVY.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 195, 28 July 1916, Page 1 (Supplement)

COMIC OPERA NAVY.

QUEER STORIES OF THE TURKISH FLEET. If someone were to write an official history of the Turkish Navy during the past quarter of a century or so, the volume would be one of the most humorous publications of the day for the Sultan's fleet has been more of a fun-raising institution than a fighting concern, and many a rollicking story is to be told of the peculation. mismanagement, incompetency, and general muddling that has clogged this most unseaworthy service for ages. It is no navy at all in the ordinary sense of the world —only a jumble sale assortment of odds and ends in the warship line which the Sultan's advisers picked up now and then when there was a little money in the nation's coffers that needed spending. , Once they had bought thfclr ship the Turkish Admiralty l " did riot bother much about spendMg' any' 1 ' more money on her. Overh&iilhig'&nd repairing a ship was a mdtfer fbrwliich they could not spare fcoJC ot course, the ships were oVer'hauTed officially, but in Turkey, frhen Wohdy is voted for the overhaul 6t Warships, the warships remain as thlvVere, and some one in authority flntld himself with a much-swolteir b.<uik hook. That is why the Sulifan's seet consists for the greater part of' floating rust-beds held together by- a ' few thousand rivets. It is ittot likely" that any of these vessels Will distinguish themselves in this campaign. 1 Indeed, there are not many of iheni left how to distinguish themselves, for our "capital E's" have had quite a busy time off Constantinople. THE VANISHING BATTLESHIP. There is a yarn about a Turkish sailor who was rowing ovef to his ship, an old battleship-dating from the Crimean war era. " By* way of stopping his boat as it came alongside, the Turk used his botft-hook against the side of the battt6§nip t but the plating was so rotten 1 that the boat-hook went right throijgH, whereupon, so it is related, Turkish Government gave strict orders that their warships were not to he prodded with boat-hooks on any account, as it entailed such a lot of patches being put on! Then there is the perfectly true sto. ry of the Turkish warship which had a wooden propeller shaft —her captain having sold the original steel shaft at scrap iron prices at a time of personal financial embarrassment. Equally authentic is the tale of the battleship which was laid' down at Constantinople about twenty years ago. "After she had been a year or two on the stocks, progress was susnended for lack of funds. Shortly afterwards, the Kaiser, who was then busy wooing the Turk, was billed to visit Constantinople in the capacity of the friend of Islam and the Turkish Government, which had then by means of a. loan from Germany come into funds again, decided to complete the ship, and have her launched by his All-Highest when he paid his visit But when they went to the building slip to look for the ship not a trace of her remained! Everything had disappeared —peculated by those who sit in power in the Turkish Admiralty oil the shores of the Golden HOID PAYING THEIR WAY. Most people know Kipling's story of "The Ship that Found Herself." Here is the story of a Turkish warship that almost '.ost herself —through the "evaporation" process. A cruiser, with a number of Turkish officers on hoard, was despatched from Constantinople to the Atlantic on an educational trip. The boat reached Gibraltar right enough, but for some reason never went through the Straits into the Atlantic. Instead, it doubled back towards the homeland via the northern coast of Africa. For a time the officers on board had quite a pleasant trip—with heaps of nautical education, no doubt! —along the shores of the Mediterranean, until or.e day It was discovered that their funds were exhausted. The captain immediately wired to Constantinople for money, but Constantinople paid no heed to his request, so lie got none. Here indeed was a pretty passhundreds of miles from home and penniless. A council of war was held on board, and as the outcome of a brilliant suggestion of one of those present It was decided to sell part of the vessel's machinery to the proprietor of a sugar factory in one of the coast towns. This was done, and with the money thus secured the cruiser acquired a new lease of life and plodded a little further homewards. till the funds gave out again. Another council of war. This time it was agreed that a couple o&- small guns were of small value to the ship's armament, and were knocked down to the highest bidder. Further along the ccast the Sultan of Morocco took a fancy to the ship's searchlights, and seve:a! other articles, and the impecunious captain saw no reason why the Sultan should be disappointed in his desiies, especially as he had the money to nay. Consequently when the ve-sel left that port it had no searchlights, and at port after port various little trifles changed hands. At last, after a long series of miniature auction sales, the cruiser, with the a'd of a tug. crept back to ConRtant : nople, to spread the tale that she had lost. most of her fittings in a heavy .-form. Whether ttie populace beiicved the 'story or Jiot is not known, but thev were so mighty glad to -co thn'r old friend return--they !:•',] siince given her up for lost - that 11.■ 1 v gave her a splendid reception ' Twain could not have Invented a i '-Mor yarn, and yet it i" perf< t-'. e. V.'Pr.X MALTA TfTFAPPKARRD! Contemporary history also records

another wonderful cruise by a Turkish warship. A gunboat had been stationed for years off Chanak, at the Narrows in the Dardanelles. So long had it remained there, witlfcits anchors down and a first-rate collection of barnacles on its bottom, that the people beagn to doubt if it would ever be .able to move again. Just to satisfy the doubting Thomases the Government decided to send the vessel on a cruise through the Aegean and the Mediterranean to Malta. Accordingly the boat got up steam and started off. But the lengthy rustication on shore had made land-lubbers of the officers and crew, and when 4hey left the shelter of the Straits they found the buffetings of the open sea hardly to their liking. For a day or two they tossed about, green with seasickness, and then deciding that they had had enough turned about and made for home, where the captain made the amazing report that the island of Malta, the vessel's port of call, had disappeared-' Of course it so happens that the location of Malta is a somewhat uncertain quality. When the island came into our possession it was originally regarded as part of Africa. Consequently when our troops were sent to garrison the place they demanded the extra pay to which they were entitled for service "outside the confines of Europe," whereupon the British Government, with a sublime meanness, promptly passed an Act of Parliament whereby Malta ceased to be included in Africa, and berame part of ! Europe. Still that Turkish gunboat ought to have been able to locate the island despite its inter-Continental wanderings. IN THE PERSIAN GULF. Another gunboat episode comes from the Persian Gulf region. In 1901, Germany, busy with the construction of the Bagdad railway, was anxious to secure the right of building the line down to the sem? independent town of Koweit, on the upper reaches of the Gulf, where the depth of water was sufficient to ensure that the raliway terminus would be linked up with a steamship service. The difficulty of Germany, however, was that the sheik of Koweit refused to obey the order of his nominal overJord the Sultan, and would not grant the Germans their desire. In this he had the support of Britain, who intimated that 'f Turkish troops were sent to occupy Koweit "we would Land I marines. ! Foiled diplomatically and by land, the Turks determined to make an attempt on the much-desired town from the sea, and plant the Turkish flag over the place. So one day a gunboat from Basra sitole quietly down the Shat-el-Arab, intending to arrive at Koweit unhindered, and bring off its coup before Britain or anyone else could interfere. It got to Koweit all right, but found three British cruisers there before it! Checkmate. The/decrepit, ancient gunboat could do nothing in face of the opposition, but the brilliant commander decided to wait till nightfall, and then, under cover of darkness when the British ships would be asleep, send ashore a landing party to hoist the Crescent over the town. But he reckoned without modern naval equipment, for when it began to grow dark the British ships turned their searchlights on the Turkish hoat, and kept it under their gaze till daylight came. Then the little pop-gun boat got up steam find siunk away back to Basr.i, its commanders no doubt madly' wondering why lis superiors at Constantinople had never told h'm about such thing a .searchlights. ANOTHER LITTLE COMEDY. In 1907 Turkey placed an order with an Ital : .in farm ior the construction of a cruiser to bear the name of "Abdul tlit Damned" —officially Abdul Homid. Next year, however, t'hat. old scoundrel was deposed, and so the name of the srip had to be changed. It was called the Drama, and round that particular Drama there hangs a comedy, for before treship was quite completed Italy declared war on Turkey, and naturally helped herself to the cruis«w, adding insult to injury by renaming it the Libia, after part of the North African territory they captured from tre Ottomans. Only on one "occasion has the comic opera spirit of the 1 urkisli Navy been of service to the Turks. This was back in 1829. when the Sultan was at war with Russia. Hie Russian fleet had been cruising off tlie entrance to the Bosphorus, and there was considerable panic in high official quarters, as it was knuwn that for years past the money which should have gone towards the maintenance and improvement of the Bosphorus forts had been systematically pocketed by various Admiralty members, and the defences were consequently in a shockingly bud condition and quite incapable of preventing the Russian fleet, from sailing ti> Constantinople. But the governor or general in charge of the forts achieved a brilliant- piece of bluff. He had all the forts, old fashioned and inadequent'y defended as tliev were, whiewashed t° g've them adding ni Iniottsujruy bz bzbzber 'ho appearance of having been renovated and brought up to date. That saved the situation. When .tho Kus-sian,-.s aw those nice looking lorts they thought the Turks had turned over a new leal, and so they sheered off. Whitewash saved Constantinople Ui 1829.