HENPECKED CLUB.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 191, 14 July 1916, Page 4 (Supplement)

HENPECKED CLUB.

AN ANCIENT INSTITUTION

Claiming to have been founded 5896 years a<:o, or wenty-four years after the birth of Adam as recorded in the Old Testament chronology, the Henpecked Club held its annual meeting on Mondav, says the London "Daily News." As befits so "ancient and honourable" an institution, it gathers with much ceremonial. There is a feast, a burnt offering (to My Lady Nicotine—thev trv to forget their wives, but

must have a goddess), and a secret installation productive of much groaning and other indications of tribulation which proceed from the "punish-

ment chamber." Th? records of the earlier meetings aro hidden in olwcurity. but th«. Club is wejll satisfied that Adam was its founder. It is assumed that the first meetiiiEr was held in the Garden ot Eden—,t lonely affair. More recent assemblies have been he'd mostly in the West Ridins! of Yorkshire. Monday's was at Brighouse, in the Sunday School of a chapel. The excuses these fifty henpoaked husbands had invented that morning to secure their day's release were never mentioned. IBro. Caudle met Bra. Caudle in merriest mood, and forgot "tho missus."*

After the feast seven husbands came forward clr-Mring the " ancient and honourable" companionship. Each had n spokesman who could vouch for his bona fides and Rive evidence. But so jealous is the Club of its tradition, 60 anxious lest some husband should creep in who is not of the true henpecked fellowship, that each candidate is subjected to a threefold examination as to his fitness—p,hyt>ira>lly, mentaWy, d|omrstically. One candidate came near to being rejected because his g'rth was so piodiginus as to cast doubt upon his credentials. It was clear that he was no slave to his wife. A member declared that this candidate was so good-looking that he would spoil the club's reputation. On the vote, however, he got tbrough by a narrow majority. THE EXAMINATION'. "Have you made beds?" another candidate was asked. "I have to," he replied. Do you do all vour wife tells you ?—1 do. Approved unanimously. A candidate who blaekleaded, and made sauce for his wife's app'e dumplings got through quite comfortably. Another who had done both the washing and the baking was asked, "How did the bread rise?" "Oh, it was eatable," he replied. Do you give your wife all your Wages ? —Sometimes more. Chief Examiner —If that isn't a henpecl'cd man 1 never saw one. The fifth man pleaded that he would light tile fire every morning, but his wife told him to stop in lied and keep: cut of the way. j There was doubt about the sixth j man. because he kept his "overtime"! money for himself, but it was counted j to his credit that he always tried to i please his wife, and he got safely through the ordeal.

Tho last man was recommended !or twelve months' probation. He lives with his wife and his mother-in-law. and the examiners were not at a'l satisfied *hat he was heujieckcd enough in theso cjreumstances. However, on the vote, hs passed "by the skin of his teeth."

The larger fellowship now fully initiated and enrolled next took to the open road for a country ramble, tints filling out its joy-day.