LOVE AND THE MAJOR.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 181, 9 June 1916, Page 3 (Supplement)

LOVE AND THE MAJOR.

"Love?" said the cynical sub., bitterly "What ; s love?" •'Ask the Major!" replied Second Lieutenant Bobby Binks knowingly. And it was gcod advice. What Major Sir Arthur Swelps doesn't know about the tender passion simply isn't worth bothering about. If Don Juan had been in our battalion he would have sh tiffed off this mortal coil long ago in the throes of envy. Don Juan was no tenderfoot either!

If you don't believe me you can ask the ladies. Captain Phipps could tell you about it, too— but not so nicely r.s the ladies would. Phipps's eloquence might run away with him ; he has reason to regret the Major's amorous ways. Let me tell you about it.

It all happened in the Coffee Lounge (where the khaki people go to tea.) Captain Reginald Phipps sat at a table which nestled in a corner of the tapestry walls, and above which a red-shad-ed light shed a warm glow on die dainty tea-things. He was not alone. Reggie very seldom is. Beside him sat a very .charming Piece of Fluff. These adjectives would be superfluous if you knew Reginald—his is exquisite. And here they sat and talked about topics other than the Army. "Oh, Reggie, look at this hrndsome officer coming ui now?" suddenly remarked the Sweet Young Thing, enthitsiastically. Phipps did look. One look was enough. It was the Major! " Umph !" muttered the gallant Captain. "He's coming over towards outtable. . . Do you know him?" " Unfortunately—yes." "How horrid of you!" reproached the damsel. "Wait, my dear, wait!" sighed Reggie. "Hullo! didn't expect to find you here!" beamed Major Swelps in his most genial mra.ner. "Good afterr.oon, sir," answered Phipps, rising. The Major waited —for an introduction. Captain Reginald also waiUd for the Mtjor to go. He didn't. "I don't think I have had die pleasure ? he be^an. "Oh, I beg your pardon, sir," said

A Little Tea=Room Comedy.

the helpless Phipps, Major .Sir Arthur Swelps—Miss Daphene Derring." Whereupon Sr Arthur sat down between Miss Derring and ler irate Captain, who e> claimed in a discreet undertone, but nevertheless I eartily, " Damn!" Now the Major has two grjat things in his favour —his good looks and his monocle. This h.tter article he deftly placed in his eye as he remarked : "We make unite a l.ao'i,' little tea part, don't we? - ' "Very," sad Miss Derring ciylv. "What do you think, Ph'r.ps?" he persisted. "Oh, yes, of course!" was die unimpassioned rejoinder, and hj? speak.:' lapsed into silence again. Put the Major made v.p for this, and k was r.o long before Peggie was the :. ; ute witness of a quiet tete-a-tete. The Major is apt to be selH-'i i:iif:o>' certain conditions, and no <.. Ie snow better than he the undenia'i'e f.ind-i mental truth embodied in lie adag.> about two being company. "You haven't forgotten about those papers, have you, Phipps?" he asked suddenly. "Papers?" reiterated the bewildered captain. "Yes, the ones that you have to sigh and send to Brigade Headquarters by half-past six " "I never heard of them before, sir?' "Goodness! Then I must have forgotten to tell you about them! I'm awfully sorry, and all that sort of thing, you know, but it's almost six now, and "Really, sir—er —Miss Derring and I had arranged to go to the theatre this evening, and we !" "I'm sure Miss Derring wi-l understand?" asked ;!io major turning to the lady mentioned. "Oh, yes," wa, the soft response. " ! suppose duty r.itst coiv.e first in military matters.'* Captain Reginald Phipps lwe angrily and deliberately, and, without a word, bowed his adieux. "Don't worry about Miss Derring, added the Major, adjusting his monocle, "I'll take her to the theatre nyselfl" And lie did! LUCAS CAPPB.