WITTY FATHER HEALY.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 175, 19 May 1916, Page 4 (Supplement)

WITTY FATHER HEALY.

SOME OF HIS BEST RETORTS

Among the many excellent stories ! which Mr. M. McDonnell Bidkin, K.C., 1 tells in his interesting article, "Irish | Characters and Irish Wit," in the Febi niarv issue of 'The Strand Magazine," ' are a number concerning Father Healy, i "the wittiest man of his generation,'' I who was for many years parish priest i of Little Bniv, about twelve miles from i Dublin. | It was the ambition of every dis- ; tinguished man who lived in or visited j Dublin to dine with Fathei Healy, and ■ in one of Lord Randolph Churchill's I letters, preserved in the admirable I biography by h : ~. son. he writes, after j a Session of unusual stress, that noth- | ing could restore him but "a nignt ! spent, in Father Healy's company." | On one ocacson a fine clutch of '. 'young ducks arrived among the gifts j whi'h frequently reached Father Healy ] from his manv admirers. The gemal i priest watched their progress from the • pond to the table with lively satisfaction. Seeing them sporting in the | water, he exclaimed, with whimsical I compassion, "Poor innocents, how they : enjoy themselves, never thinking that : niv green peas are growing en the other I side of the garden wall." FA in f AND WORKS. It was Father Healy who, when Mr. I Balfour, at that time Chief Secretary J for Ireland, asked if there was any ! truth in the statement in the Nationalj ist papers that he uas generally disliked | in Ireland, replied, "My dear sir, if j tho devil were half so we'll lyited my j occupation would be gone." I Nothing happier can be imagined j than Father Healy's reply to a dyspep. I tic priest whom ho encountered fresii ; from his ,-oa-water bath, and who, hav- • mg us«tired him tnat he often derived j much benefit from drinking a tumblerful or salt water, anxiously inquired:---"Do you think 1 might venture on a second ?" Father Healy, after grave consideration, solemnly answered, "I think you i might; I don't believe it would be I missed." : Not. less felicitous was his retort to ! his Ir-eiul. the Protectant archbishop, | whom he nut as he was hurrying for a j train. Tiie archbishop showed him his j watch and assured him that they had : abundance of time. They arrived to i see the train steaming out of the fitai tion. The archbishop was much dis- | tressed. "T cannot tell you how it | happened. Father Healy; it is a v:\lui ab'e piv-vni '.tion watch, and I nad the. i utmost faith ain it." ! "Better have had good works in it," : retorted Father Healy. One of Mr. Bodkin's personal ancc- ; dotes concerns an occasion when lie was walking with Father Healy through i ; street in Dublin, and a ragged loafer . came begging to him. "Pointing after : him as he slouched away," says Mr. Bodkin, "sixpence richer than lie came. Father Healy said to me: 'That's a nice condition for a poor Irish landlord.' Why, in the name of wonder/ I exclaimed, 'do you say that fellow is an Irish landlord?' 'He has the universal : and infallible hall-mark.' 'And that is!-'' 'A rc.it in a rear.' "

SWEET MKMOI!it:S

In Minn' respects it was tlio most inlorost:njj moment of the voyage, for they had just Hghted a school of whales, and .stood wutchiir.i with rapt attention the maicsiic mammals sjxjtiting for all. they wore, worth.

One pa>.:png(;r in rtnrtinihir seemed to iijijiiei iato the di play. As lie watched ho chuckled and laughed, and tlien he would nib his hands in ecstasy.

"Seems to give him a good deal of pleasure." remarked a to the nurser.

"Ye?.," said that official confidential-, ly, " .hi see, |lo. made all his money as :>■ master plumber, and- 1 expect he's imagining that every spout i> a hurst. v.ater-pipe. and that he's got i!ie jou of '' repairing thorn at war rales!" ; c(l\.:,c:ifxce mom:y. i ''Here, mv dear," l aid i husband, ■ producing a handful of sovereigns, "nr<' ten pound.- I won at the club at cards . last night. You may have them to buy ; the diiss you wanted." ; Hf'im-t-iiitly the conscientious wife I took the inoney. "' I simply hato the [ idea of using money gained in that- ! v. aw" s'!" :>idj with an expression of j i'iij-id re^itud. 1 . "Ifinry, prom;-, that ! after you lmve won enough to luiy a ! hat :n no wi'll the <]v-<± you will nevei* j again touch those awful cards. T don't j want mv husband to become a gamb- ' 'or!"