"THROUGH THE SMOKING ROOM, PLEASE!"

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 163, 7 April 1916, Page 1 (Supplement)

"THROUGH THE SMOKING ROOM, PLEASE!"

HOW PASSENGERS LAND IN WAR TIME. Mid-Channel, with the winter's afternoon fading quickly. The S.E. anu C. R. steamer crossing to England suddenly slackens seed, and her whistle gives a deafening roar. A cheeky-look-in glittle mine-sweeper, with a long, lean gun perched high on her fore-deck, who was going to enjoy a reckless shave, alters her course at the hint, and the passenger boat gathers way ajiain.

A minute later there is a musical drone in the air, and a biplane, hardly discernible in the grey light, passes over her in flight to France; an English destroyer comes smoothly gliding near —in fact, many sights and incidents tempt the passengers to linger as long as possible on the uper-deck, especially as the weather is quite warm. But thoso who want to land quickly when port is reached are already descending to the lower-deck and forming a group outside one of the doors of the smok-ing-room. As the canvas awnings are lashed' down they aro in a kind of tunnel, and have asolutely no outlook, but they willingly sacrifice the beauty and freshness of half the voyage to save an hour at the end of it.

A LONG AND PAINFUL PROCESS. For one cannot just step ashore in war time. Presently the order will resound, "Through the smoking-room, please! Passengers must pass througii the smoking-room," and a dense queuo will form, and those who are not at tho head of it will find getting as far as the smoking-room a long and painful process, and getting into it, probably, an experience akin to ebing shot out of a gun, owing to the pressure behind. The business of "passing through," which, with certain exceptions, concerns civilian passengers only, commences some ten minutes after the boat reaches the landing pier. By that time a number of officials, including a doctor, have boarded her, and turned tho smoking-room from a careless lounge into a dcctive bureau, where the keenest scrutiny is made of passports and other documents, and their owners are cross-examined before being dismissed by a further door. The whole thing is done very pleasantly, and what with the jokes of the doctor as he sends the flash of his electric torch down throat after throat, the good-humoured efforts of two brawny seamen to hold the entrance against the crowd, and tho sarcastic calls of the crowd itself, the writer would describe it as a comedy, did not the memory of landing on the French side come between him and the word. THE TRAGIC SIDE. It often hapens over there that, while the packed throng is waiting, an official appears at tire smoking-room door and shouts, "Is there anyone visiting a wounded 1 relative?" The inclination of the male part of the crowd to blandly reply as one man, "I am," is checked by a tremulous woman's voice. " Please, let that lady pass," says the official, and somehow a lane is formed, and through it she comes, her white face and eyes great with dread leaving everyone who sees them very sober.

But to return to the queue forming on this particular afternoon in tha very front of it is a young English merchant captain, just back from the othei bide of the world, a truculent person chewing an extinct cigar. He took up his position as soon as he arrived 011 board, having l.een told what i,waited him. Two or three other men of irascible apea ranee are sharing the threshold with him, and they are ail glaring suspiciously at several passengers who are still taking their ease and refreshment inside the room. (These, if the ru'es are adhered to, will be turned out by the other door as soon as the officials come, and sent round to the rear of the queue.) Behind the captain are some elderly gentlemen who have quietly arranged a barricade of two deckchairs to protect themselves from the crush, and then follow men and women, richly jr poorly clad, a number of them with hand-luggage, which would l have been better left above. For they rest this 011 the deck, and are generally unable to recover it when the forward surge comes, and the more solid items spell disaster to people behind. Very audible are a short gentleman ad two tall ladies. They are travelling together, but the latter, after the manner of vigorous women in a crowd, have pressed on, leaving their escort hopelessly in the rear. They are asking him to send their passports along, and he, nettled by their desertion, is telling them that it will be safest if he keeps them and' they wait in the smokingroom for him. The parties are beginning to argue hotly when the matter is settled by a sudden order, "Ladies will pass through the ladies' cabin, please not through the smokingroom." With considerable difficulty all ladies are extricated, and then the "squash'' becomes more pronounced. Men groan good-tcniperdly as they try to get a hand down to, or out of, one of their pockets, and heartily abuse the "pass-ing-through'' system.

THE JOUBXEYS END. After a time the motion of the boat apears to cea.se, nn<, there follows a long period of wondering whether the pier is reached. At length the welcome try of, "Porter, sir?" is heard, and the.-o landsmen come clambering along the tied seat by tue bulwark ior bags or orders. "Shan't be long now," says the seacaptain to his friends. Then tbev violently oppose the efforts of certain f .f the smoking-room inmates to come out by their door, and succeed. * * * * The anxiously awaited officials file .n and sit down at various tables. Two big sailors come to the head of the queue, stand a little apart from one another, and form a barrier by clasping hands. The c-aptain is indignant at finding a muscular arm across his chest. "Turn"those fellows out!" he says, nodding at two or three persons who ar° finishing their beverage- inside. "Turn

them out!" choruses the crowd angrily. They'll go," answer the sailors grinning; "you gentlemen will be the first." But the sailors are wrong. A rosyfaced old priest, with blue, fun-loving eyes, who came in not five minutes ago for a glass of soda-and-milk, shows something of that admirable diplomacy for which the Church was noted m mediaeval times. Probably that rude cry of "Turn them out!" decided him not to be turned out. At any rate he approaches some of the officials urbanely, and, after a moment's hesitation, they examine his passport —and not only his but those of the other people present. The captain keeps up one long roar of angry protest, but no one heeds hi;u.

"Passengers must have their passports and cards ready to show," calls out one of the sailors. He and his companion unclasp hands for a moment, and in shoot the captain and his immediate neighbours; then the arms dart out again and the hands rc-link. Two minutes pass —then a few more are allowed to cross the threshold, and so tilings go on for over an hour.

REASSURING THE NERVOUS. An honest man has no reason to dread {he most necessary examination which he has to undergo when inside. Even the nervous passenger (and there always is one), is completely reassured by his genial reception. "Ah !" says the doctor beamingly, assisting him to recover his balance; " where from ? Paris, eh? How long were you there? Felt quite well all the time? Open your mouth. (The flash of a torch.) Yes, you are in splendid health," and the busy medico turns to the hext comer. The nervous traveller hesitates slightly as to his next move. But a big and shrewd detective pats his arm with that kindliness which a robust nature feels towards a fragile one. "Well, friend," he says heartily, "have you been to that table yet? No! Well, go there first, and then come along to this one. Unfold your passport —" etc. The cordial tones convince the nervous passenger that he does not look like a spy, and he obeys the directions quite coolly, answering the questions of officials in khaki and mufti without r. stammer. Then the friendly detective passes him through the further door, they exchange a nod and smile of farewell, and very quickly he finds himself on the pier a free man.—G. Appleby Terr ill.