LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF WILLIAM.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 144, 11 February 1916, Page 1 (Supplement)

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF WILLIAM.

I, William, Emperor and King of all the Outlaws, Barbarians, and Greatest Criminals of the earth, having become completely fuddled by vanity and ambition, dictate this, my last Will and Testament, in anticipation of seeing myself nailed to the pillory by the civilised peoples I have outraged. I bequeath: First: To the Widows, Orphans, and Aged whose woe I have caused, my personal fortune, and the right to curse me to the end of tho centuries; Second: To my Chief of Stall and my Ministers, all my titles and decorations, which 1 have sufficiently dragged through mud and blood; Third: To Austria, my colossal Zeppelins, or so many of them as shall remain; as well as my last cartridge, to enable Francis Joseph to blow out his brains when he shall realise that he has erred in falling into the trap I set for him; Fourth: To France, I give up, under compulsion, Al-sace-Lorraine; and to England I leave the memory of my navy, since that is all I have left of it; Fifth: To Belgium, I give all my admiration for her heroic defence against my scoundrelly aggression; Sixth: To Russia, I give those few cannon which she has not taken from me; Seventh: To valiant little Servia, 1 give Austria; Eighth: To Italy, a rod which 1 have in pickle for her: Ninth: To all Peoples, I grudgingly give peace; Tenth: As for my well-beloved son, the Crown Prince, I leave him nothing, considering that the dose which the Allied armies will give him will he sufficient; Eleventh: Finally, as nothing remains but regrets, I leave those to my family. I choose as my executors, Messrs. Pioupiou and Co., to whom I give my head; apologising because it will not he big enough to satisfy all of those who wish a piece of it. William. Berlin-the-Fcolish, August, 1915. —".Life," New York.