EVERYBODY'S FRIEND. THE GIRLS OF BERLIN.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 4, Issue 26, 1 April 1915, Page 3 (Supplement)

EVERYBODY'S FRIEND.

THE GIRLS OF BERLIN.

Jack Podger was the most obliging ma 11 that ever lived. His services were given gratis to all applicants. He could mend a clock, repair a puncture, drown a kitten, paper a wall, and, in fact, perform any operation itiiunu wi muiwll man. in consequence, Jack's services were in constant demand. A week o rtwo ago, after cobbling a neighbour's hoots, sweeping the vicar's chimney, and writing a testimonial for his charwoman's nephew, he retired to rest. He was awakened by a terrific hang at his front door, and immediately rushed to the window. " ''What's the matter?" he bawled, irritably. '•You'll excuse me for troubling you at this time of night," came the reply, "hut the fact is, our baby is so very (Moss, and we would like you t<> come and pacify him. Hi' always laughs when lie sees your funny nose."

The girls of llerhn (says the "Westminster Gazette) have been warned that they really must stop writing letters of congratulation and admiration to Marshal von Hindenhttrg. He is very busy just now, and these young ladies ought to recognise that he ha>-' no leisure or interest for even the most beautiful literary essays of the rising generation. The Hindenburg mail is so great that war correspondence is delaye,., letters are otiose, since he knows quite well that "the whole German people is looking to him with love, gratitude, and confidence." The girls who are left behind him must recognise that these are days in which the feminine pen had best leave the sword alone.

•• T suppose," said the timid young man, "when you recall what a handsome young follow your first huxband was you wouldn't consider me for a minute?'' ••Oh, yes, I would," sweetly replied the widow, "but not for a second."

A learned judge was recommended bj a poetic friend to read Shelley. Ihe tir'.at man o fthe law said he supposed he"ought to read a little poetry, and, having heard so much Shelley, he would tr " And'what do you think of it?" said his friend to the judge, after he had waded through a few pages ot Epipsjchidion." "Isn't it beautifulf "Well, well-oh yes, 1 dare say it is'" replied the judge. "Hut what I want to know is—when are we going to get at the facts?"

Here is a startling story of equmr. ssvacity. A horse war standing in the shafts oi a carriage just outside a local theatre. It had a weary look, as ot out that desired repose. Suddenly it brightened up, and before it could be stepped it mad a dash for the box-office. , . The reasons lor this unexpected behaviour gave rise to much discussion, 1 at last one of the crowd, more observant than the others, pointed out thpt ihe legend, ,; To the stalls, was written in large letters over the boxoffice window.

■'Don't vou want to go to the better world . Tommy?" asked a London Sun-day-school teacher </ the new si-nolar "No. mum," promptly replied the frank little fellow. "And why not, Tommy.'' "Oh, when I die 1 want to go where a fellow can rest." ~ " Well mv bov, vou can rest there. ~H '!„'the'song we sang it said we'd II shine there. 1 get enough ot lmt !,,,-,. -I'm a shoeblack, mum.

.« \„1 the voltaic current." continued ~.,/,,,,.,„,,.,-, "wis the discovery ol \olta and it* development is a comparably recent achievement of science A small indiv.dual ho sted himself to „ ;.hair in the rear of the hall. "Hold on th-r,. Professor! What ~|,o „ t the earlier discoveries ol .N0...1. ••r don't understand vou, *.r »T)l,| tl 't Noah make the ark light on Mount Ararat?"

What doe* nn artist liko to draw best? His salary.