WHAT THEY SAID.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 4, Issue 18, 5 March 1915, Page 7 (Supplement)

WHAT THEY SAID.

Isaacs and Moses were rival clothiers, who kept shops situated in the same stre?t, and opposite one another. It was their frequent pract'ee tn stand at their shop doors and solicit the custom of passers-by, and occasionally irritate each other by very personal remarks. On? morning Moses shouted to Isaacs"Go in, you grade booby, and take that ugly face wid you! You might as well stick a donkey at the door!'' "I did dat one day last wick. Mr. Moses," repl'ed Isaacs, "but de peopl.'s passing by only smiled, and said to it. 'Good'day. Mr. Moses, good day! 1 see you hat removed from de ockr s'der* " THE ONE THING LACKING. Budget, the maid came to her mistress. "Oi would like a week's vacation, Miss E'leen," she said, in h?r soft Hunster accent; "Oi'm goin' to get married on Christmas Day." Bridget had been a good girl, so her mistress gave her a week's vacation, a white dress, a veil, and a plum cak?. Promptly at the end of the week Bridget returned radiant. "Oh, Miss Eileen.'' she exclaimed. "Oi was th-j most lovely bride. Me dress was perfect, me veil most lovely, and the cake spbndid. An', oh, the dancm'! ••Well Bridget, this sounds delightful." said her mistress. " but you have left out the main part of your story. I hope vou have a good husband. ' Budget's tone turned to one o tindignation. , , "Now. Miss Eileen, an what ye think? fhn' darn spalpeen never showed up!" IN CHARGE. \n English thirtoen-year-ejd boy applied for work recently at a Nortiiampion boot factory, where three of his brothers had been employed previous to becoming "soldiers of the King-" . . The proprietor, a thorough patriot told ths lad he could start at once, and then asked hUn:— "How's your brother Frank going on?" . „~. ••'E's out at the front, sir, fighting. -Is vonr brother Albert out in trance as well?" _ , "Yes. sir. 'e's with our Frank-same regiment." „ . , ... , „ " Your eldest brother. Lion?l. will be out there also. I reckon?" ■•No" said the youngster, with a proud shake of the head; ''our Lionel ain't gorn out to the Continent. tf> mindin' India!"

THE QUESTION OF THE MOMENT

Tin; General was busily inspecting a reiriment, the Colonel of which was a verv bad horseman, and tins was well known to his men. The battalion was formed up in quarter column, and a. the commanding officer gave the ordei "Advance in column" the band struck up the regimental march past, with the result- that his horse plunged and kicked' furiously, and he very nearly got unseated. \s the leading company was neanng the saluting base the Captain glanced round to see if his men were marching well, and was horrified to see the whole of the front two ranks bunched up m the middle and every man watching the commanding officer's efforts to retain bis seat. "Ease off, there! he shouted align ly

No, 'oe aint." saifl a young recruit 'but 'ee soon will be!"

ALMOST PERFECT.

The old man's eldest daughter hart been attending first-aid classes, and had received the certificate. The street accident she had been waiting for at last took place. A man had broken Ins leg. She confiscated the walking stick of a passer-by, and broke it into three pieces for splints. She fore her skirt up for bandages. When all was completed she called a cab. and took the patient to the hospital. "Who bandaged this limb so creditably 9" asked the doctor. ' "I did," she blnshingly replied. "Well, it is most beautifully-most beautifuilv done! But you have made one little'mistake. You bandaged the wrony leg!" PRIVATE. Serjeant: "Halt! You can't go there." . „., Private Murphy: "Why not, sir. J Sergeant: "Because it's the generttl'S t"" 1 -" ..m, ill Private Mtirnhv: 'Then. heMad. what are tbev doing with 'Private' over tho door?"