TAKING PRECAUTIONS.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 4, Issue 18, 5 March 1915, Page 6 (Supplement)

TAKING PRECAUTIONS.

The lady who had charge of a certain village post office was strongly suspected of tampering with parcels entrusteo to her care. One day a rosy-cheeked youngster, dressed in his best clothes, entered the office and carefully laid n huge slice of iced cake on the counter. " With my sister, the bride's compfiments, and will you please eat as much as you can?" lie said. The postmistress smiled delightfully. "How very kind of the bride to remember me," she cried. "Did she know of my weakness for wedding cake?" ''She did," answered the youngster, coldly, "and she thought she's send yer a bit of it this afternoon just to take the edge off yer appetite before she posted any boxes off to her friends."

WORTHY OF HIS HIRE.

It was the first night of the Christmas pantomime, and the stage manager was rushing round excitedly. The " Grand Stupendous Scene of a Palace in Indi'i" was getting ready, but where was the elephant? "Hurry up there," yelled the stage manager to the property master. "Buck up with that elephant! What's keepin;, it?" "Well, sir," was the aggrieved reply, "it's the hind legs, sir. 'E's found out as 'iitv the front legs get thruppence a ni: ht more than 'e (iocs, an 'lie refuses to go on till 'e is given the same!'' REDUCING HIS WEIGHT. There could bi> no dispute in the matter. Th;.- jockey was just over weight—only the merest fraction, but enough to disqualify him. The. disappoint xl owner glanced from tho littb rider to the scales, then to t..c little rider again. "William-." ho said, "can't you do something to light n yourself a bit?* ''No. sir; ain't had a bite of any sort tlie-v last two days. "Hum! Shaved?" "Yes, s'r; five minutes ago." " Finger nails?" Tho jockey held out his hands. Tho nails were clipped almost to the quick. For a moment the owner was silent. Then a bright idea occurred to him. "Run away and' have your tonsils cut," he shouted. "Hurry, lad, hurry!" FELT AT HOME. A gentleman took a friend to an opera. The music, grand as it was, sounded a little noisy, more especially when the bang of drums and the crash of cymbals occurred at intervals. But the friend's face remained unmoved. Gentleman : " Doesn't this glorious volume, of sound affect you?" "Oh, not in the least!" was the calm reply. "You forget I am a boilermaker."