CORRESPONDENCE.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 4, Issue 6, 22 January 1915, Page 4

CORRESPONDENCE.

(f. ith apologies to the Kaiser.) Potsdam. Berlin, September 3rd, 1914. Mein dear Cousin George,How vos you going along? How you vos? Do not kom to eee me for I not like your ships—they vcs not nice to mine poor little ships I soon kom to sea you if you move dem big ships away Do not bi fiightened--1 kom for your goots. Vot I kom for? Vot I vant? I vants der leedle Bank von Englonde for mein frau. I vants der dockyards, mein Gott! Take der big guns away and I kcm mid vur.ce. 1 vants dei 1 ecle lalj of Wight and her lofely Cows, vjr I shall hold one big regatta. I vant dose nice kedle places, India, Caradas, Australia, for rain Eons. D*-r Kron Prirz he say he like New Zealard. (Hoch! der Kron P/inz). New Zealand a ver long way off, so dat suit me all right. He can sit in dei sun and trink hi 3 lager—Deutschland über allis. Hcch! e'er Kultur. Top dog. Gott in Hummel, you have much more places than is goot for you, dear Cousin. But Ireland I take not. No. Der Teufil. Hearty greetings from, WILHELM. PS.. —Move derr ships away or I I get angry and kom not.

Potsdam, Berlin, September 14th, 1914. Mein dear Cousin Gaorge,— What for you not answer my letter of two weeks ago. You was nott a kind cousin. I ask you take dem big ugly ships away, but dem still dere. How can I come to see mein dear Cousin?

1 do not like your Mr Jellicoe one bit. He vory rude to poor Von Tirpitz. He say: "Kom out." Von Tirpitz say: "Ndn; I vill rot kom out ven jou tell me. I vill show you who der master of der North Sea." So he stay in der Kiel Canal, and Biimstone Churchill he say to Jellicoe: "Never mind. Snon we dig him out like a rat." Von Tirpitz he very angry and want to go to Baltic, a kng way from rude men like Jellicoe and brimstone. Geoige, Mein dear lieber Couein, 1 vant you to take Mr Jellicoe right away. Mein sailors h3ve der Kultur and I not like dem to meet dis rude Mr Jellicoe. You get thre: friends of m\m— Lord Haldanr, Mr Ramsay MacDorald, Mr Keir Hardie. I not mind my sailors meeting dem for dev are gentlemen. Send one of dem and take back dat man Jellicce. He not fit for my sailors to associate with. Your lovirg Cousin, WILHELM. Aix La Chappelle, September 19th, 1914. My dear Cousin. George.— Vot der Teufil? Donner und BJ'lzen. 1 have your answer sent to my letter sent to der Bight ot Heliogland by your Mr Jellicoe. Debr Bight of Heligoland, indeed! I like not does bites. What fordid you do it? It vo3 most unkird. You have spoil-d msin nice leedle Bchippes, und I cannot sail dem in der Kiel pond any more. Von Tirpitz he cry eo it "eye" water at Keil all der time.

When 1 hear it I get ver angry. 1 go out to my men and say: "Exterminate der treacherous English. Trample down French's conterrptible little army." I know thsy not do it, for my men got too many corns on deir feet from trampling on tier und der children in Belgium, but it make me feel better to say so.

If you don't take der man Jellicoe out of der way I not kom to see you at all. 1 am Lord of der War. and der Land, and der Air, and der Sea, and if you not take Mr Jellicoe away I will send him an ultimatum. I, der Kaiser! Your loving Cousin, WILHELM.