HUMOUR.

Putaruru Press, Volume VII, Issue 319, 19 December 1929, Page 6

HUMOUR.

The detective put away his magnifying glass. "The culprit has left a number of clues/ ’ he declared, casting a quick, glance round the room, ‘‘and I’m certain the thief has short black hair, isfive feet seven inches tall, smoked cigarettes, wore woollen socks, and drovehere in a car. Another thing " “How wonderful!** interrupted the victim of the robbery. “Now, was the culprit a man or a woman!" It was then that the detective wBl baffled.

A clergyman returning to the vicarage from early morning service found, outside his gate an overturned cart with its load of hay in a heap on the roadside. A small boy was ruefully’ h garding the wreck. “It’ll be a rather long job putting that hay back in the cart again, my little man,* * said the vicar, kindly. “You had better come in with mai!)hid have some breakfast. Then I’ll help you to load again.” Thc boy hesitated, saying his father might not like it. The vicar, however,. M persuaded him, and so he atje a hearty breakfast. f When the meal was over the vicar,, slightly puzzled, asked the boy why he thought his father would object to his having breakfast. “ ’Cause father’s under the hay,” replied the boy. It was the day of the school concert, and the audience consisted mostly of proud parents anxious to see their, children perform, 8 on the programme was Master: Wii.iam Adams, who was going to re>cile. Str.kmg a bold attitude, tAs young gentleman began as follomS?- * P-iends, Romans, countrymen, lend, me uur ears!" At this moment a mo.thcr turned to* rhi wonia i >ltting beside fc- who, as i* happened, was a neighbour. *‘There, t.Lat’s the Adams bey for you,’’ she said tartly. ‘‘He wouldn’t, be h.s mol hot’s son if he wasn *t trying, :> Uoiicw something."

A travelling man one night found himself obliged to remain in a small town on account of a washout on the railroad caused by the heavy which was still coming down in torrents. The travelling man turned to* the waitress with: “This certainly looks like the flood." * * The what f** , “The flood. You*ve read about the flood, and the ark landing on Mount. Ararat, surely." * 1 My, no, mister," she returned. “I ain’t seen a paper for three days.” He (bitterly): “The mere fact thatyou refused me doesn’t bother me. There are others.’ 9 She (sweetly): “Exactly, that’s why I refused you.’ * “Why do you object to my marrying your daughter?" ‘ * Because you can’t support her in the style to which she has been accustomed all her life." A “How do you know I can’t. I ciR start her on bread and milk, like you did!”