MOTOR NOTES.

Putaruru Press, Volume VII, Issue 312, 31 October 1929, Page 7

MOTOR NOTES.

MOTORING ABSURDITIES. IMPRESSIONS OF OLYMPIA. Wyndham Lewis Goes to the Show. One of England’s best-known humorists, I). B. Wyndham Lewis, gives a highly-amusing description of London’s last motor Olympia. He said:— At the request of Otis P. Boomer, now in New York, from whom I received a wireless message desiring me to put him wise to the latest developments in the British automobile industry, I immediately made a tour of this year’s motor show at Olympia. This being an expert review of the show, jt is possible that a, few technical! tlee may have crept into the main body of the descriptive matter. They are, however, not important, and may be removed with a little benzine. They do not detract from the value of the thing as a whole to the serious motorist.

Year by year the exhibits at the motor show become more significant, all fraught with meaning. The average motorist selecting a new'car no longer asks himself as in former years, “Why?” or “Of which?” The question on the lips of every motoring enthusiast to-day, when brought face to face with a new model, is simply, “ Has this car personality ? ” or “ What is it saying ? ” And year by year the number of cars which have only engines and bodies, without personality or character, steadily diminishes. It is now scarcely possible to go round Olympia without finding a car which does not impinge at once on the sublimated ego and respond, in greater or lesser degree, to the reaction set up in the complex of the beholder ; and in most cases, indeed, a sympathetic twittering of the ganglions is immediately registered, even if the reflex be negative, and vice versa. Erom a large number of cars endowed with this important quality I select for description the Fifty-fifty Grumph (£2500), with

Wheels, £3OOO. This model, has snaffle valves, geared to 96 degrees F., and running gimbals connected by means of alternating grummits with the main tertiary bumble spring. The forehand drive is fitted with a synthetic clutch and wheeved snocket-pipes, which reduce fringling of the soffit-brush and embolism in the whangle-drum to a minimum. A Strimble noggin stud differentiating between 56 (x —y) and 65 (x plus y) foot pounds per minute enables ’ the off-side rumble-gudgeon to work freely in the vimbraces and eliminates guffering in the pipplestrainer. A good knock-about car for the man of moderate means. 49-55 Pumperley.

Another model of the same class is the 49-55 Pumperley, whose distinctive feature is a well-sprocketed yaffle-chain working in a two-faced systematised chuffer-sleeve actuated by five co-ordinated bupp condensers with aluminium thrusting-bits. A steel whangbar attached to the rear axle-cross-trees enables the driver to accelerate the toof-brush without fear of underestimating the upthrust of the buffle-plate, and the reflex actions of the yarp snoother lubricating the fubbing nut gives distinctive and rhythmic interplay to the three sets of wdrewove grorbles which feed the sliding paff gong budger. This, like its predecessor, is very reasonably priced at £2500. Those who prefer a somewhatsmaller model are advised to inspect the

Vest Pocket 2i Mimble (£275), a handy little car which folds up and stows away neatly without disturbing the “ set ” of the waistcoast. Women motorists are enthusiastic about the Mimble, which when not in road use may be' used a? a blotting pad: The steering pillar has hollow-ground tumming sheaves, which enable the main shifter to be actuated direct from the forward thruple shaft, and also enable it, when not in action, to be used for knitting fancy vests, etc. The Si model (£325), which has interlocking garbage-valves, and a slightly more convex snudge-box, has a patent Vumson sozzer, by means of which the chassis can be used as a sewing machine, an egg whisk or a sugar sifter. A rather more sporting type is the larger model, which is becoming increasingly popular among agriculturists. The engine of this handsome model is triple-gove, and a highly - atomised drubbin - pipe connected by ratchets with the central frumble-valve enables the blades of the reduplicator to be used for slicing turnips and addressing envelopes. The 1929 model of this popular car is specially trained to follow its owner, and a patent Wumming roogjng-bolt directed from the cam-

shaft by means of these sensitised Uffer snog-weaves permits of the chassis being used as a milk separator and warming pan. On the back axle being lifted and the quaternary simmer switched back in line- with the binomial yubbing-docket an alternating current connecting with the Wamble triple-seamed amplificator sets up a highly peptonised nodular metabolism of the brubbil-ing-tube and enables the engine to be detached and used as a hairbrush. The hydro-carburettor may be used for breeding hens, and a rucket attachment to the Peabody three-ways fingering fan makes it possible to unship the unmeter and use it as a mashie.

Professional men, especially doctors, will probably find much to interest them in that useful runabout, the o. si-6I Punt (£225). This car is tested to 67.9 degrees, and turns redlitmus blue. A chuff body attachment to the central nodule of the magneto slide enables a circular saw to be fixed for running surgical or fret-working purposes, and the patent lobson dynamic slugger has a fipsh-boogle valve at one end, enabling chloroform to be pumped down the patient’s throat without stopping the engine. A dial on the driving board registers blood pressure, strength of grip and height above sea level, and a distinctive feature of the drive is the amorphous nature of the reversing quam-mit-pin. Instead of being, as in most cars of this type, worked directly from the loosely geeved-gummiter revolving round a rurble-shaft, this mechanism has a patent stummick

connected with plus differential and set in motion by the self-starting nug of the feed-arm actuating blobber. A feature of this year’s show is the number of useful accessories attached to small, reasonably-priced cars. Among these models is the

6-7-8 Tutling (£95), which has, in addition to two seats, a collapsible hip-bath, a Mah Jong cabinet, a cleverly combined trouserpress and egg-boiler, two book-rests, a pencil sharpener, and a set of Browning. I could find only one thing lacking in this marvellous little car, and that was the engine. Next year its enterprising makers tell me they hope to supply this as well for very little more than the present price.

The last of this year’s cars I in- , tend to discuss here is a model which will appeal equally to the gardener, the animal-lover. This is the

30-40 Buffer (£595), the only car in the show so far as I could see which can be said displays absolute fidelity to its owner, and which can at the same time hoe a. field and hush a baby to sleep. The Norker patent nackleplug is responsible for this. Geared to the faffercase and connected with a minimised galvanometer to the driving band of down the shafting of the combustible snooter-crank and sparks freely into the internal compression chamber, whence it is driven out again by a series of sharp explosions into the shubbing-piston, and then through the gimble-pump into the gab-shaft; and what happens to it after that X neither know nor care.