CRICKET TESTS.

Putaruru Press, Volume VII, Issue 270, 10 January 1929, Page 1

CRICKET TESTS.

AUSTRALIAN HUMOUR. Armistice Terms. The irrepressible Australian humourist has seen a funny side to the clean cut victories of the English cricket team in the Test matches, ur.d by cartoon and article has kept smiles circulating during the do yondency of defeat. One sample which takes the lorm of a war dispatch is as follows:

Sydney, December 10. After a night spent in fasting and meditation with his staff, General Chapman dictated the following terms before he would grant an armistice to the defeated Australians:—(l) The losers shall go quietly; (2) all cane handled bats to be delivered forthwith to a competent authority; (3) all six stitchers to be burned or buried not less than three feet deep in clay soil; (4) all stumps to be dismantled and sawn into lengths not greater than four inches in the city and six inches in the country; (5) all Bulli soil to be excavated and taken in city council barges to be dumped off the Australian coast beyond the three mile international limit; (6) all cream flannel trousers t b be cut off at the knee, and white boots only to be worn when accompanied by a clear- ’ ing certificate from the nearest quali- • fied Englishman; (7) all turfed or unturfed areas (including backyards and back paddocks) of 22 yards in length by sft or more to be prohibited areas; (8) and no back talk. Contumelious Conduct. Sydney, December 12.—Hardly had the armistice conditions been in operation for 24 hours when need arose for a prosecution for a breach of same. Before a court martial this morning “ Chiller ” (alias Charles) Jones, | aged 13, was charged that on Decem- | ter 11, he, being an Australian subI ject, did on a public place, being a proscribed area, to wit the back lane known as Spadgers, cause or direct jan assemblage of other Australians, there to participate in a game of chance, to wit cricket, declared illegal under the terms of the armistice. Furthermore that he did encourage sundry other enemy subjects, to wit, “ Spud ” Murphy, “ Nobby ” Clark, “ Ike ” Levy, “ Ginger ” O’Connor, “ Dogsbody ” (no surname), “ Skinny ” Moss, “ Panny ” Adams, “ Deadhorse ” Collins, “ Ponty ” Pool and

Face Ache ” Lewis, to aid and abet him in the already hereinbefore mentioned offence without due warning, all to the prejudice of the good order and discipline of His Majesty’s Test Expeditionary Forces abroad. “ Pinhead ” Andrews and “ Soapy ” Matthews were joined as accessories before, during and after the fact, as umpires. The Widow Kelly was also included in the general indictment for knowingly allowing the lane so to be used.

Defendants pleaded not guilty, and entered a cross plea charging the competent English authority with unwarranted confiscation from the person of one pecking case, one bat (all wood) and one compo ball, and wrongful imprisonment. The case was heard before a packed court of sympathisers \vith the accused, who adopted a most impudent manner throughout the whole proceedings.

Eventually all were adjudged guilty and sentenced to three months* hard labour in the Leaving Certificate Class with no holidays until next September cum Michaelmas.