LAW STORIES.

Putaruru Press, Volume IV, Issue 118, 28 January 1926, Page 1

LAW STORIES.

BARRISTER’S ANECDOTES. “ In Court and out of Court.” In his book, “ In Court and Out of Court,” says Tit-Bits, Mr. BowenRowlands records the neat retort of a barrister who was asked by a journalist to explain the phenomenal) success enjoyed by a certain legal acquaintance. “ All I can say about him,” said the barrister, “ is that his words always carry c .nvicti .-u when lie appears for the defence.” When the salary of the Rt. Hon. John Burns, then president of the Local Government Board, was raised to £SOOO a year, a friend remarked to him: “ How can you take it; I remember you saying that no man should have more than £SOO a year.” “ That’s true,” said Mr. Burns, “ but, you see, I said nothing about a super-man.” A certain judge used to tell a story of a man who married a young woman under the impression that she was a spinster, only to find out after the marriage that she had six children. He decided to seek legal redress, but was unsuccessful. The judg-e, in summing up, said: “I rather applaud the conduct of a certain general, who was told before marriage, by the widow to whom he had proposed, that she was the mother of a family of five. ‘ That makes no difference,’ said he. ‘My dear, Artemesia, let us agree to blot cut the past—as far as we can; mine isn’t anything tc write home about; I want you as you are now and not as you were before I became fond of you. I’ll take over the Jones kids. Leave it all to me.”

“ And the genera], whom we will call Brown, carried out his promise. After the honeymoon, he went up to the nursery, kissed the children( and made a little speech of ‘ hum’s ’ and ‘ ha’s.’ Then he told tthe nurses to bring the children down to the ha-b----room. This was done, and with the assistance of his wife he put each child in the bath. He then drew his sword, and* waving it over the laughing children, cried aloud: ‘ Arise, little Browns!” AN ’UMMING ’UMBUG. A one time Master of the Rolls, Sir George Jessel, was renowned not only for his learning, but because he dropped his “ h’s.” In -the latter connection the author tells the following:— “ Jessel had a great dislike for Lord Chancellor Selborne, who was a pious man and had written a book of hymns. On seeing him one day he turned to a friend and said: ‘ ’Ere ’e comes, the ’oily ’umliug, ’umming ’is ’oly ’ymns. Oh, ’ow I ’ate ’im.” It is said that when he was told that a whale had been stranded near Oban, in Scotland, he snapped: ‘lmpossible, a whale in Olborn. It must be a oax.” In his early days in London the author was a dramatic critic, his remuneration being- “ ten shillings a theatre.” Each ticket was accompanied by written and verbal instructions from the advertisement manager as to the kind of “ notice ” that was necessary. “ I pnee attended a first night at Marylebone Theatre, and as I was the only critic present, I was asked into the manager’s private box. “ When I went in, there were four persons assembled, and I was greeted by a very fat woman, who said: ‘ Good evening, dearie; are you the youngman as was coming- from the Dispatch?’ I said: ‘Yes,’ whereupon she produced a. black bottle and handed it to me, saying: ‘ Don’t be afeared, dearie; it ain’t poison, am it, Mr. Moss?’ ‘ Not "by any means,’ said the bejewelled student of the drama, ‘ it’ll do’n good an’ it’s a thousand pities as he weren’t in time for them trotters.” “ When the play was over,” the author adds, “ Mr. Moss gave me two cigars with red bands on them, and the woman said: ‘ And now, dearie, wot yer going’ to put in about ’Enery?’ I said, ‘Something very nice.’ And I did.” UNPARDONABLE, or h'B b'-'vhrod the author has this amusing recollection, prefaced by the reminder that what was called sin in those times had a somewhat different

meaning from what it has nowadays. “ One of the erstwhile faithful created unpleasantness by ‘ joining the church,’ and he ’justified himself in a speed! to an open-air meeting: ‘ O, ye ungodly, ye backsliders, ye departers from righteousness—you’ll all he swallowed up by the Bottomless Pit. But I wonna be hard upon you, for once I was like that myself. Tes, I was, no fear. Afore I was converted, I was a drinker, a blasphemer, a backslider, and a newspaper reader.