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Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 18, Issue 31, 16 April 1907, Page 8

TRUE TO THE LIFE. A painter was commissioned to portray the image of a saint on the refectory wall oi a convent. The price stipulated was very low ; but it was agreed that thcavtisi. :,,,oukl ha :c his meals provided at the ee' -iso-ol the convent, until his work was finished. It turned out that the only food supplied to the poor artist by the reverend fathers eo>-.si> ,, .ed of bread, onions, and clear water. '! lie day for unveiling the fresco at length arrived". The friars stood round the artist ; the our tain was removed. It was, no doubt, a very line picture, but the saint had his back tinned towards the spectators. " What does this mean ?" shouted the indie nan t prior. "Padre, 1 was compelled to paint the picture as you see it, for the saint could not bear the smell of onions." A METHOD TO DETERMINE DEATH Tin; French Academy of Sciences ten oi fifteen years aeo offered a prize of {.\fi'X (or the discovt ry of some means by w1:'.,.;" even (he inopcrionccd might at once determine whetherinagivencasedeath hadensued or not. A physician obtained the prize. I le had disc '.vercd (lie following well-known phenomenon : ii the hand oi tlie suspected dead person is held towards a candle or other artificial h .!■■( with (lie lingers extended and one t' i.. hie... th.e other, and one looks through !'■'■ paces between the fingers towards the h ht, there a] -.pears a scarlet red colotu vhore'he lingers touch each other, due tc the If: (| ...liji circulating, it showing ilselt lin'i uvh iliu tissues which have not yet con gisied. When life is entirely extinct the phenomenon of scarlet space between the linger.-; at once ceases. The most extensive and thorough trials established the truth ol this observation. ELOPEMENTS ON THE WANE. Fi:o:.i the latest official lists the number ol marriages in England are as follows : England and Wales 213,696 .Scotland 24,515 belaud 20,G00 A lc.retul newspaper reader, resident ir. .London, who has given much attention tc elopement statistics, states that on ai average four elopements lake place in London every week. This would give a total for the year in round numbers of 200, in a population of something like five millions. Presuming that the number of elopements all over the country is in the same proportion we have a total elopement list of about 1,500 per year. Now that a Gretna Green marriage is a thing of the past elopements seem to be on the wane. It is stated that at Gretna Green toll-house alone 200 couples were sometimes united in a year. WAS HE A JEW OR A NEGRO ? ■ Mk. Fuumvall has been investigating the vexed question as to Browning's ancestry. Mr. Furnivall has directed his inquiries especially to the point whether the poet was,' as had been claimed, of Jewish descent, and he decides this point iii the negative. But he believes that there was a strain of negro blood in his veins. Robert Browning, his grandfather, married a Creole of the West Indies, in whom, Mr. Funiivall's researches would seem to show, there was an element of negro descent. Tll support of this view, Mr. Furnivall refers to the complexion of the poet's father, who "was so dark that when, as a youth, he went out to his creole mother's sugar plantation in St. Kit's, the beadle of the church ordered him to come away from the white folk among whom he was sitting, and lake his place amc ng the. coloured people." The poet':; own complexion in earlier life has been described as " olive" ; in after life he became much lighter Mr Furnivall in concluding his monograph says: "As a radical and democrat, I, of course, rejoice ilial the jle-cendant of a Dorsetshire footman has keen buried with solemn pomp in Westminster Abbey." THE IMPUDENCE OF THE MAN! Liki; many another famous man, both nolore his time and since, Talleyrand exhibited at least in early life- -a great reluctance to sc tiling will; his creditors, When lie was appointed Pk.hopof Aiilun by Louis XVI., he considered a fine new coach to be necessary to the proper maintenance of the dignity of that office. Accordingly, a coach was ordered and delivered, but not paid for. Some time after, as the newly-appointed bishop was about to enter his coach he noticed a strange man standing near who oowed continually until the coach was driven away. This occurred for several '.lays, uni.il at length Talleyrand, addressing die stranger, said;--- " Well, my good man, who are you ?" " I am your coachmakcr, my lord," replied the stranger. "•Ah!" said Talleyrand, " you are my coaclmiakcr: and what do you want, my coach maker ?" " I want to be paid, my lord." 'Ah! you are my coachmakcr, and you want to be paid, You shall be paid, my coachmakcr." " Put when, my lord ?" "Hum!" said'Talleyrand, as ho settled himself comfortably among the cushions 0' his new coach and motioned to his coachmar tc. drive on. " You are very inquisitive,'THE JESTER CONDEMNED TO DEATH. One ol the kings of Scanderoon, A royal jester Had in his train, a gross buffoon, Who used to pester The court with tricks inopportune, Venting, on the highest folks his Scurvy pleasantries and hoaxes. It needs some sense to play the fool, » Which wholesole rule Occurr'd not to our jackanapes, Who consequently found his freaks Lead to innumerable scrapes, And quite as many kicks and tweaks, Which only seemed to make him faster Try the patience of his master. Some sin, at last, beyond all measure Incurr'd the desperate displeasure * Oi his serene and raging highness ; Whether he twiteb'd his most revered And sacred beard, Or had intruded on the shyness Of the seraglio, or let (ly An epigram at royalty, None knows; his sin was an occult One; But records tell 11s that the sultan, Meaning to terrify the knave, Exelaim'd—" "lis time to stop that breath; Thy doom is seal'd, presumptous slave! 'I hou stand'.st oonde'mn'd to certain death, Silence, base rebel!—no replying!— But such is my indulgence still Out of my own Iree grace and will 1 leave to thee the mode of dying." "Thy royal will be done—-'tis just," Replied the wretch, and kiss'd the dust ; " Since, my last moments to assuage, Y ur majesty's humane decree I) ,ts deign'd to leave the choice to me, " I'll die, so please you, of old age!" "Mrs, Snitui-m," said the dentist, severely, " I have pulled teeth for a great many rati; ids, but I never heard one holler as you " Perhaps it was a holler iooth," suggested the pocr woman, meekly.

WITHERING POLITENESS. * A hansom was being driven along a leading thoroughfare at a pretty smart pace, when another, coming from the opposite direction, ran into it with just sufficient force' .to lodge the head of one horse on the back of X the other. The fc ;pected outburst of strong 1 language did not take place, but the driver of the hansom that had been run into sat still, and with withering politeness observed to the other driver: " When your horse has seen all he wants to see across my horse's back, perhaps he'll kindly get down. But there's no hurry; glad to see him and the gentleman that holds the ribbons." THE TRICKSTER TRICKED. Some time ago a well-known and cleverworking engraver called upon a somewhat equivocal financier, and asked: "What think you of this ?" showing him a one hundred franc note.—" I think it is a one hundred franc note," came the answer.—" Well, Imade it myself."—" Send out and change it, and then we'll see."—The servant came back with the gold.—" Why did you not imitate a one thousand franc note while you were about it ?"—" A one thousand franc note ? a one thousand franc note? One must have one first to imitate."—"Very well; there is one, and lose no time."—The engraver never made his appearance again. He spent the thousand francs. The note he had shown the "gull" was as good as the one of which he had cheated him. But the financier never dared to say a word. HE'D SCOOP A LITTLE. About the time that Daniel Drew began his career, he was up the country one day to visit some friends, and two farmers called upon him to decide a case. One had sold ' the other five bushels of wheat, and ' proposed to measure it in half a bushel, and sweep the top of the measure with a slick. The other objected, and Drew was asked to decide. "Well, legally speaking, a bushel is only a bushel,''he answered. " And can the measure be swept off ?" " I think it can." "What with?" " Well, if I was selling wheat I should probably use half the head of a flour barrel." "Which edge of it?" " Gentlemen, that is a point I cannot now decide on," sighed Daniel Drew. •• If I was selling to a widow or preacher, I am certain that I should sweep the measure with the straight edge; but if I was selling to a man who pastures his pigs in his neighbour's corn, I'm afraid I should use the ciccular side, and scoop a little to boot," A WOLF ADVENTURE. It was winter, the snow two feet deep in our settlement. Wolves there were in plenty, and Johnson and myself were doing a good business trapping them. On each was a bounty of two pounds, and each skin was worth twelve shillings. One Sunday morning after Johnson had made himself ready for church he thought he would examine one of his traps set in the edge of the woods near his father's-field. Putting on his heavy boots, and without gun or axe, he strolled across the field. When near the spot, the rattling of the chain by which the trap was fastened quickenedhispace; and behold a large wolf was in the trap. Johnson saw at a glance he was slightly caught by the end oi his paw. Now he soliloquized, " If I go back for the gun, he may succeed in getting free before my return," for the brute was making frantic efforts to free himself. Being a fine athlete, Johnson made a bound for the wolf, catching him by the throat. In the meantime the wolf had cleared himself from the trap, Then came the tug-of-war in that two feet of snow. The struggle was short and furious. Johnson held his death grip, sometimes on top and again underneath the brute, both so covered in that it was difficult to distinguish wolf from man. The wolf at last was overcome, kicked and choked to death by his powerful antagonist, Johnson did not attend church that day, forhis Sunday clothes hung in tatters; besides, there were some ugly scratches from the sharp claws of the now dead game. "I never will try that again, Mac," he said to me. "I thought myself a match for almost any wild animal of these woods, but this fellow was a bigger job than I reckoned-on." Johnson was then but seventeen years of age. MILirARY OBEDIENCE. The story is told in a French newspaper of Pierre Barlat, a poor labourer, who lived at Sevres, with his wife, Jeanne, and their three children. Industrious, frugal, knowing nothing of the way to the wine-shop, Pierre saved all his spare money, working harder and harder, and at last bought the tiny cottage in which they lived. It was a tiny cottage, indeed— built of stones, with tiled roof, standing amid shrubs, and covered with clematis. It always attracted the eye of the traveller, on the left, as he crossed the SSvres bridge. Pierre and Jeanne worked and scraped and saved until the little cottage was paid for, and made a feast when it was all done, to celebrate their ownership. A landed proprietor, to be sure, does not mind an occa- ' \ sional expenditure to entertain his friends All this Pierre and Jeanne had accomplished just before the war of 1870, with Germany, broke out. The conscription fell upon Pierre, who, moreover, was an old soldier, and belonged to the Reserves. A gunner he had been, famous for his skill in hitting a mark with his shell. S evres had fallen into the hands of the Germans, but the French guns were pounding away at them from the fort on Mont Valerien. Pierre Barlet was a gunner at that fort, and, one wintry day, was standing by his gun, when General Noel, the commander, came up, and levelled his field-glass at the Sevres Bridge. " Gunner," he said, sharply, without looking at Pierre. " General," answered Pierre, respectfully saluting. "Do you see the Sevres Bridge over there?" " I see it very well, sir." "And that little cottage there, at the left, in a thicket of shrubs ?" Pierre turned pale. " I see it, sir." " It's a nest of Prussisns. Try it with a shell, my man." Pierre turned paler still, and, in spite of the cold wind, that made the officers shiver in their greatcoats, one might have seen big drops ofsweat standing out on his forehead, but nobody noticed the gunner's emotion. He sighted his piece carefully, deliberately; then fired. The officers, with their glasses, marked the effect of the shot, after the smoke had cleared. " Well hit, my man! well hit 1" exclaimed the General, looking at Pierre, with a smite. " The cottage couldn't have been very solid, It is completely smashed." He was surprised to see great tears run* ning down the gunner's cheeks. " What's the matter, man ?" the General asked, rather roughly, " Pardon me, General," said Pierre, recovering himself. "It was my houseeverything I had in the world I" n.* 1 ? m( J Bt wcwMt Wiithw report is thft uiunaer-clao.