FUNNY EPITAPHS.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 8, Issue 28, 5 April 1907, Page 2

FUNNY EPITAPHS.

ARABELLA'S MEMORIAL. ' "Here lye the bones of , Arabella Young, Who, on the 21st of June, began to hold her tongue." * # * » ROGER'S SAD END. "Here lies entomb'd old Roger Norton, "Whose sudden death was oddly brought on ; Trying one day his corn to mow off, The razor slipp'd and cut his toe off, The toe, or rather what it grew to, An inflamation, quicklv flew to, The parts then took to mortifying, And poor old Roger took to dying." *•* * * AN ICICLE TO BLAME. "Bless my i, i, i, i, i, i, Here 1 lies, In a sad pickle. Killed by icicle." * * # * INAPPROPRIATE. Tn Woolwich Churchyard this curious inscription is over the grave of a soldier : "Sacred to the memory of Major .Duties IBrush, Royal Artillery, who was killed by the accidental discharge of a pistol by his orderly. 1-lth April, 1881.—Well done, good and faithful servant." * # * # MEDICINE DID IT. "Here lies the body of Mary Ann Lowder, Who died while drinking a powder ; Called from the world to her future rest, She ought to have waited till it effervesced." * * * * A COSTLY MISTAKE. "Beneath this stone, a lump of clay Lies I'ncle Peter Dan Ms, Who, early in the month of May, Took off his winter flannels. JOSEPH THE GU.'TTON. "Here lies the bones Of Joseph Jones. Who ate whilst he, was able ; But once o'refed He dropped down dead And fell beneath the table. "' When from his tomb To meet his doom He l'ises amidst sinners, Since he must dwell ■■ - In heaven or , 'Pake him—which gives best dinners." * * * # WEEP FOR A FATHER. "Weep, stranger, for a father spilled From a stagecoach and thereby killed ; His name" was John Sykes, a maker of sassangers, Slain with three other outside passengers." * * * * WORRIED LITTLE WILLIE.;

"Willie Adam's gone from here, Willie's in a higher sphere ; Kindly pause and shed a tear, Sir or madam. All diseases, every ill, Came to trouble little Will ; All" we could, we did—but still Willie Adam, # * # # AN HONEST LAWYER. "Here lies one, believe it if you can, Who, tho' an attorney, was an honest man ; The gates of Heaven for him. will open wide, But will be shut 'gainst all the tribe beside." # * # * TO A CRICKETER. "Tread gently, stranger, 'neath this mound, The bones of Enoch Wood are laid, Hard by the village cricket ground Whereon in life he often played. How oft in vain the bowlers sought To bring an end to Enoch's stay ! How oft his curly ones have brought To other batsmen dire dismay ! Alas ! No more he'll make a score, For. faced by that grim bowler, Gout, He chanced to get his Leg before. And death, the umpire, gave him 'Out.' His game of life is played and won, An honest man, brave, gentle, sage, He'll hear the Victor's meed, 'Well done !' When God works out his average." # * * * TRANSATLANTIC MEMORIALS. "Here lies my poor wife, t A sad slattern and shrew; If I said I regretted her, ; I should lie, too." "Here lies the body of Matha Gwynn Who was so very pure within ; She burst the outer shell of sin, A-nd hatched herself—a cherubin !" 'Here lies the body of James Brown He was a good citizen, An upright man, And an ardent patriot, But of limited information With regard to circular saws." # * * # IN MEMORIAM. "Here lies one blown out of breath, Who lived a merry life, and died a Merideth." "Here lies my poor wife, without bed or blanket, But dead as a door-nail, God be thankit."