“YGEINE.”

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 8, Issue 26, 29 March 1907, Page 2

“YGEINE.”

“There was a gnat in Middle Temple Lane,” said Mrs. Wilkins, “as 1 used to do for. .It's my belief as ’e killed 'imself worrying 21 hours a day over what ‘e calhd ’is 'ygeine. Least ways lie's dead ami buried now, which must be a comfort to ’imsel.f, feeling as at last Vs out of danger. “All ’is time ’e spent taking care of ’.imscdf— didn’t seem to ’avo a leisure moment in which to live. For ’alf an hour every morning Vd lie on ’is back on the floor, which is a draughty place. .1 always hold, at the best of times, with nothing on but ’is pyjamas, waving ’is arms and legs about, and twisting ’imself into shapes unnatural to a Christian. “Then ’e found out that everything Vd been doing on ’is buck was just all wrong, so he turned over, and did tricks on 'is stomach—begging your pardon for using the word —that you'd have thought more lit and proper for a worm than a m a n. Then all that was discovered to be a mistake. There didn't seem nothingcertain in, these matters. That's the awkward part of it, it seems to me. “He got 'imself a machine, by means of which Vd 'ang 'imself up to (he wall, and In-have for all the world like a beetle with a pin stuck through 'im poor thing. It used to give me tlv* shudders to catch sight of ’im through the ’alf-opm door. For that was part of the game: you ’ad to ’ave a current of air through the room, the result of which was that for six months out of the year Vd be coughing an' blowing ’is nose from morning till night. It was the new treatment so Vd explain to me. You got yourself accustomed to draughts so that they didn’t Tirt you and if you died in the process that only proved that you never ought to 'ave been born.”—Jerome K. Jerome.