LETTER TO HOME.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume I, Issue 164, 23 June 1884, Page 3

LETTER TO HOME.

(By outgoing Mail, per favor of the Telephone.) My Dear Robert, — I reply to your enquiry as to whether I would advise you to come to New Zealand. You say “If I come, what can Ido ?” Why, my dear boy, if you still are as I knew you, I should say you could do almost anything, or any one, and find a pleasure in the doing it. I have lived many years among the people of New Zealand, and uponthem, and my shadow has never grown less. You say your means will only allow you to come here as a steerage passenger, because the shipping firms refuse to give you credit for a saloon cabin. My dear Robert, never let such a small matter trouble your mind. All you have got to do if you intend going into the swell line of business, is just before landing to put an address with an aristocratic name upon your portmanteau, and add the words, “ Saloon— Wanted on the Voyage ” per ship—whatever its name may be. Get this taken to the best hotel in the city, where you will of course put up. Ask the landlord whether he has got a strong-room, or a fire-proof safe. If not, then to give you a sleeping room, the door of which has a good lock and key to it, as you have valuable property and papers in your possession. Of course you will have brought out one good suit of clothes. This is indispensible, in order to enable you to get many more suits on the very cheapest plan. You go to one of the most fashionable tailors in the place, and ask whether fellahs in this part of the world can make a suit of clothes which a fellah can wear, without a fellah feeling ashamed ox himself. The tailor will tell you he’ll try. You get measured and order the clothes to be sent to your address, when you will send him round a cheque which unless I am mistaken, you will be certain of doing—won’t you my Robert.” At the end of a week the waiter will bring up your bill on an electro-plated tray and you simply tell him to place it on the table and bring you a soda and brandy. In a few daj s the landlord will come and ask you for a cheque, apologising at the same time for the liberty. You will tell him you have’nt opened the envelope and dont intend doing bo unless he joins you in a bottle of bitter beer. You tell him that you are going to hand your drafts into the bank, and in the meantime would he oblige you with a fiver which he does. But this sort of game, my Robert, is pretty well played out here. You don’t work half-a-dozen towns before the rascally papers make the thing public under the heading of “Another Swindler.” The thing that you should do Robert, and it would not be hard with your address to accomplish, is to open a shop, or store, or an office of some kind or other. Give a bill of sale over the stock and then make a start. You will get any amount of credit for some time from any one you ask. Then at the proper season you “file.” The man comes down on you with his bill of sale; but the _ stock on the premises will not pay him five ■ per cent, on the amount. Make it right with v the trustee or his deputy who will draw up a favourable report saying thafr your misfortune has been the result of losses in trade, and bad debts. Then you are whitewashed, and commence business with your savings. It dom’t matter what business —auctioneer, commission agent, contractor, general importer, sharebroker, promoter of companies (limited.) You may be anything here by turns, and nothing long. A special knowledge of any particular trade and calling is not required. It is in fact an impediment to general or extended enterprise. The promoter of companies is a paying thing—exceedingly so to any one who has nothing to lose. This little game is not nearly played out. It has been successfully tried in oil, coal and gold, and upon many other undiscovered discoveries in tin, copper, silver, diamonds and precious stones. Everything will lie in your keeping up appearances, and you can lie you know tc perfection. We had a class of swells hen who were known as “ remittence men.’ These did well for a time, but it has some what staled upon the public, especially the publicans. If you can manage to get a lettej from a Lord, or an Earl (a Baronet is not bit enough) to introduce you to some one ii New Zealand, never mind who it may bo h your fortune is made. You will be introduced into the highest society. You will have n< trouble to get a P.N. done, and upon th< easiest terms. We think a great deal mor< of a Lord, or an thing coming from a Lord my Robert, than of things in Heaven, and oi the earth, and in the waters under the earth We have paid homage to men bringing intre ductions from a Lord, who we had reasoi afterwards to believe were only f rged. Bu you, my Robert, would not do anything o this kind. I am told there are Lords ii London who will give letters of introductioi for the matter of a £5 note. But you wil manage the affair, I feel sure, in a much les costly manner. A very good plan—it has succeeded wonder fully well in New Zealand—is to represen yourself as a capitalist, desirous of purchasin a large landed estate—say for your uncleEarl somebody — You must fix on th name yourself, when you will be show by ever so many people over any amount c worthless country ready to be sold at si times its value on account of a capitalist owr ing it, and knowing that the money expende on improvements will increase the value (

other estates. You will be feted and feasted and taken about, Oh, my Robert, and all at anybody’s expense, but your own. For a first-class man of your appearance and capacity you will, upon your pretensions, be able to secure a rich settler’s daughter for a wife. When this is settled, money will pour in upon you from almost unknown sources. Come out by all means is the recommendation of your old friend. Snyder. P.S.—ln my next letter I will show you, Robert, how, without any difficulty whatever, you may become a member of Parliament in New Zealand. The position presents several advantages.