The Telephone. PUBLISHED EVERY EVENING. GISBORNE, FRIDAY, MAY 2.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume I, Issue 121, 2 May 1884, Page 2

The Telephone. PUBLISHED EVERY EVENING. GISBORNE, FRIDAY, MAY 2.

Although the latest telegrams lead to the assumption of a probability that our fugitive member may yet have left his resignation in the hands of his friends, we refuse to believe anything of the sort until it receives official confirmation. One thing is most certain, viz., that whoever the “friend” may be, he will draw down upon himself a well-merited share of the odium which attaches to the transaction should he long withhold the resignation for any ulterior purpose, as he would thereby identify himself with the whole discreditable proceeding. But whilst acknowledging that words fail to express in fitting terms the well-merited censure which the object of our trouble most assuredly deserves we are compelled to smile at the ‘•'wheels within wheels” which are clearly to be seen working in this miserable dodgery. How the main actors in this disgraceful drama must chuckle at the wings, while their decoy bird fronts the footlights and becomes the butt and target for their blank cartridge fusilade, the big guns being fired by their own artilleryman. The whole farce puts us in mind of the cunning tactics once adopted by a wily old commander of note who dispatched one of his most rotten and useless ships away to leeward of the enemy, and there opened a great fire, and succeeded in decoying the enemy’s fleet to leeward of the port which it was sent to protect, while his own ships took possession of the town at the insignificant sacrifice of an old hulk, thus effecting by strategy that which it would have been impossible to accomplish otherwise. But this was in days long passed, and the present generation are too wide awake to be deceived by a “southern” bird which will shortly be driven off its own fouled nest, and will then have to seek another, and whose melifluous and deceptive notes are known to be the harbinger of wrong and cant—a raven with the notes of the dove. The “ heavy villain ” has performed his part of the play, and now the “ subtle schemer ” is shuffling on the stage in a thoroughly characteristic manner.

For some weeks back there has been vague rumours afloat in various circles that a great genius had been unearthed, and that a prodigy in the inventive line had been discovered, who was in possessiod of a plan whereby the river could be deepened at an insignificant cost of time, labor, and expense, and that in a fortnight we could be relieved from this bugbear which has of late so exercised us, and puzzled all our brains. From the time that a member rose at the Board and announced the existence of this genius, all have been on tb.c tiptoe of expectation and impatience to hear the grand i-ecn t. I he excitement was at its h< i.’ht <m Tuesday evening when it bream ■ orally known that the lime ha I ;■ rived when the disclosure of 1 : -- project was to take place. The im- | portancc of the subject had the |

effect of drawing a tolerable number of visitors to the meeting, and the approach to the Board room was well nigh blocked, All members were on the alert when one gentleman rose and introduced the projector, who thereupon added greatly to the importance of the matter by declining to proceed with his subject until guaranteed a sufficient remuneration for his plan, should it prove successful. The haggling which ensued, demonstrated the fact that whatever might' be the projectors inventive powers, he certainly was not deficient in those abilities which materially assist in enabling their possessors to look after “ number one.” This little hitch having been settled to the satisfacof all parties, the projector proceeded to lay his scheme before the attentive Board. His opening statement that he was not the inventor, and could not lay any claim to the honor of originator, or inventor, proved most disappointing, and immediately robbed the proceedings of a great deal of interest. It turned out that it was not his own idea, but that of “ another man who knew more about it than he did.” Some peculiar drawings were then laid on the table, which seemed to increase the bewilderment of some members who looked on with blank astonishment, a state of affairs .which was not relieved by the somewhat ambiguous explanation which followed, Member Brown did not give much encouragement when appealed to as a practical engineer, and his statement that he had known the same plan to have been tried two or three years ago on the Otago bar with the result of signal failure, had a further tendency to make matters dull and disappointing. Things were judiciously smoothed over by the Chairman handing the projector and his scheme over to the Engineer, who will no doubt quickly discover whether there is any practical utility in the same. Should it prove effective in even partially remedying the evil which it is directed against Mr. Rosie will deserve our thanks, and will have well earned his seven guineas.