MISCELLANEOUS.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume I, Issue 97, 2 April 1884, Page 2

MISCELLANEOUS.

A negro in South Carolina, who was complaining of the hard times, declared they were the hardest ever known. “ Why,” said he, “ I works all day, an* steals all night, an' yet I’m blest ef I kin make an honest livin.” The Indians who sell hay to the Government out West have been detected placing large rocks in the bales. That comes of teaching the Indians to read, so that they can study the daily papers, and become posted in the tricks of the whites. A celebrated American circus manager is on the hunt for a new curiosity for his show. He is seeking to find a young married man whose wife can cook as well as his mother did. Twenty-six States have been explored thus far without success. In his cross-examination of a surgeon, the lawyer said that a doctor ought to be able to give an opinion without making a mistake. The surgeon replied, “ They are as capable as lawyers.” The lawyer said, “A doctor's mistakes are buried six feet under ground, a lawyer's are not. “ No,” said the surgeon, “ but they are sometimes hung as many feet above ground.” Rather a large order.-— Mrs. P, de T. * Well, good-bye, dear duchess I Oh, .by the way, may I bring Von Humm to you to-mor-row night? He’s the great organist you know!” Her Grace: By all means! And tell him to bring his instrument with him.” An intolerable bore, having talked a friend nearly out of his senses, finally struck out for “ the oyster,” which he called one of the most remarkable specimens of creative wisdom extant,” when his friend interrupted him, and “ closed the debate ” with the exclamation : “ The oyster ! Ah yes, the oyster is a glorious fellow; he always knows when to shut up!” The minister of a fashionable church once preached a sermon in which he drew the picture of a very beautiful heaven. We would walk in sunlit groves, by the music, of waterfalls, and gaze out on the amaranthine fields. And, then, too, “ we shall know each other there,” said the minister, and then he added, “ there’ll be no strangers in the New Jerusalem : we’ll all be friends.” “ Beautiful!” said Deacon Sham, as he trotted down the aisle. “ A lovely sermon!” said Miss Simkins, as she put her bony hand into the minister’s. She was stopped by a poor mechanic, who came up and addressed the preacher: “ Mr. , I am glad we shall recognise each other up there.” “Yes," said the minister, “ it is one of the greatest consolations of our religion.” “Well, I am right glad we shall know each other. It will be a great change, though—-for I have attended your church for over four years and none of the members of this society have recognised me yet. But— 4 we shall know each other there.’ ” Gentry.—Once at a little dinner party, one of the guests, the younger brother of an Englisb. nobleman, expressed with commendable freedom his opinion of America and its people. “I do not altogether like the country,” said the young gentleman, “for one reason; because you have no gentry here.” “What do you mean by gentry?’* asked another of the company. “ Well, you know,” replied the Englishman, “ well—oh, gentry are those who never do any work themselves, and whose fathers before them never did any.” “ Ah!” exclaimed his interlocutor, “ then we have plenty of gentry in America. But we do not call them gentry; we call them tramps.” A laugh went round the table, and the young Englishman turned his conversation into another channel. The weakest woman, smallest child, and sickliest invalid, can use Hop Bitters Jwith safety and great good. See.