“DOING” THE GAS COMPANY.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume I, Issue 58, 5 February 1884, Page 2

“DOING” THE GAS COMPANY.

He was trying to sell the stranger his house and lot, and after the prospective purchasers had wandered through the attic, and nosed round the kitchen, and poked into the closets, and rattled the windows to see if they were tight, and smelled on the cistern water to see how much dead cat it would assay to the gallon, the owner of the property took him down into the cellar, which he had spent all night in whitewashing. The meter, which was stuck up on a shelf in the corner, attracted the stranger’s attention. “ How much does your gas cost you a year ?’’ asked he. The householder gave a knowing wink, poked the stranger in the ribs, and said—- “ You don’t look like a man who would give the thing away, and seeing as you’re going to buy the house, any way, I don’t mind telling you. It don’t cost me a cent." “It don’t?" said the stranger with evident surprise. “No, not a red,” said the other? “ and it’s all owing to a little observation on my own part as to the working of that meter there. I’ll explain. You see, when I first moved into the house I was doing a good business, and so I had everything fixed up in tony style—chandeliers in every room in the house, kitchen included—and other luxuries to correspond. But after a while my business began to run down, and I had to shut off my expenses. My wife suggested that we economise on the gas-bill, so I bought a lot of lamps, and we stopped using the gasburners—except in the parlor, when we had company. When the man with the lantern came around to look at the meter, I fairly kicked myself with joy to think how it would astonish him. But it didn’t. The

bill for that month wm ju«t as biff as befcxe, and when I squealed out, there' was iha meter to back them up. I couldn't get round that. So I put the lamps away in the garret and used every gas burner in the house. Kept two chandeliers in the bedroom day and night, just for luck, Bill for that month just the same, Then I thought I might as well be getting all the good out of that meter that it would stand, eo I told the gas com* pany that I should like to have a couple of chandeliers put in the stable for the use of the hired mam They came and put them in, and the very same day a man came to fix up the meter. Said some of the meters were wearing out inside, and had to have some of their driving-wheels renewed, or something of that sort. The hired girl said that he took out a cog-wheel and put in a bigger one, and then wound it up like an eightdav clock. At the end of the month the bill Was twice as big as before. And yet We hadn’t used any more gas, because the hired man ran away with the horse at the beginning of the month; and we hadn’t fcny need to light up the stable like a ballroom. well that month’s bill settled me, you can just bet. I tapped a hole in the pipe leading to the barn, ran another pipe over to our next neighbor, and let him have all the gas he wanted at 10 per cent. off. Inside of two months I was supplying the whole square, and it didn’t cost me a cent, more than it did to supply my house and stable. By this little scheme, and by strict economy, 1 have been able to amass a handsome sum of money, and as soon as you take this house off my hands I’m going to move into the big brick one down at the corner. I’ll turn this little monopoly over right into your hands. It’s a little dangerous; but if you’ve got the nerve, your gas needn’t cost you a cent, as I said at first, and— ’’ •* My gas isn’t likely to cost me anything, anyhow,’’ said the stranger, interrupting him for the first time. “ Why ?” “ Because,” said the stranger solemnly, “ I’m the secretary to the gas company.”