"DE OMNIBUS REBUS IT QUIBUSCLAM ALIS."

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume XI, Issue 1370, 18 October 1883, Page 2

"DE OMNIBUS REBUS IT QUIBUSCLAM ALIS."

[CONTRIBUTED],

Not very long ago a friend of mine down South told me in a deprecating sort of way that it didn’t take long to do the lions of Gisborne, which he furthermore described as a horse-and-a-half town, or a pair at most “But” continued he, "further on north they run a whole team.” ••<)£ horses" quoth I ? “ Don’t be inquisitive," said he "What does it matter, horses or asses." Therefore, as a peripatetic observer of men and manners, intent on the unravelment of dark sayings, I forthwith proceeded to the Dicksonian Institute, Gladstone Hoad, where local scientists most do congregate with a view of Obtaining special information, prior to starting on my peregrination in search of truth, where happily it may be founddeep down at the bottom of an oil well at Kotokautuku, or imperceptibly and invisibly pervading nearly, if not all, the .available sheep runs of the East Coiujt.

Ou my arrival at tire pallaidum of science, I was warmly received by the cognoscenti, and an interesting opinion having been aired respecting the nocturnal habits of polliwogs in connection with the modern theory of tadpolean development. I interviewed with muoli satisfaction, the agile bottled frog of the institution, opinionated freely in re hippocampus, and dilated volubly upon the extreme rarity of au hagiographic record from Wolfe and Co’s, spirituous media;then aud there framed, and pendent, before the admiring gaze of hitherto increduloui DicL. uiuan aasociattia aud others.

Pausing to acknowledge uy eloquent silence the reiterated burst of tacit applauds which fallowed my penoratipn 1 here with inimitable sang froid intoned a few lines of |“ Mr Galahad'a guest” and having by this 1 means evoked among the assembled savanii a laudable desire to further my enterpii-e, The association resolved itself into a seance of the whole, with leave to cad for “spirits from the vasty deep,” o. elsewhere nearer at hand; caligraphic evidence Lon 1 nbs, by literary lemures, or any oth.’F information likely to facilitate my pursuit of unadulterated truth, and tend to the iuoidations of that occult and mystic phrase *• the whole horse or none ” John Barley Corn having in answer to invo ations of Allanach and Hanson, signified his presence on the table in various places—ex pressed himself as si nv spirited at, times, and places ; he always felt weaker the further he went, he had been much abused and his constitution serious'y injured By the foste r ing case cf associate Crawford, however, and the media, he had quite rdcoveied his original f-iskeness, and though white-h< a led, was sound in body, and could run ns far as ever. The president of the association knew all about mediums, happy, and spiritualistic, and was a medium himsef. Hence ho, Barley Corn, was amenable, and hi* numerous progeny, to the president, and would always come himself, or depute some of his family to assist a seanees, when tab’e rapping was going on. There were no horses in limbo. They had all accompanied their masters, defunct red Indians to the happy hunting grounds. In his present sphere therefore we knew nothing about “going the entbe animal or none.” There were plenty of hobbies in Gisborne Ask the riders.—Truth he believed still remained at the bottom of a well; wasn’t a gnome, but thought it wasn’t either at the South Pacific or Southern Cross locations, though there might be oil. Wasn’t infallible—or his progeny, pure spirits, were scarce, either in this world or out of it He wouldn’t appear on the coast himself if they held a seance on his account alone but might send a common spirit. Had a relative who was “stout” but on arrival at Tologa Bay got so thin as to be unrecognisable by his best friends. Felt dry as when occupying a kiln formerly ; perceived that many of the associates were dry also. It required no supernatural intelligence to find that out. .At this stage the sound of a drum was faintly heard in the distance, and the table became violently agitated, then the rapping* ceased, then recommenced, and finally died away altogether. And the medium evidently impressed with the solemnity of this parting communication proceeded to interpret Mts meaning—

T 1« Fagans drtiin, beeduniiing tootle tooe, Alternate noisily with tootle turn ; Now is the time that mortals slyly boose, And supplement their daily beer with rum, A series of rape as soft and unpresuming as raps could be, here interrupted the medium and the wold gammon, was slowly and laboriously eliminated from the alphabet. {To be Oontiniiedj