THE TRANSIT OF VENUS.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1221, 9 December 1882, Page 2

THE TRANSIT OF VENUS.

(By our Somnolent Reporter.) I had determined to get up early on the morning of the Transit, and I’m hardly sure as to whether I did or I didn’t; anyhow asleep or awake I saw Venus, who won’t get fooling around in a similar manner for 121 years 6 months 1 week 3 days 2 minutes and | second. This is according to calculations made by myself, and if Proctor or any other scientist in the same line can deny it—well, all I’ve got to say is, let him do it, and let us fight it out fair. But this causes me to think that I can burst up Proctor’s theory about the general smash which is to take place in 1883. The matter stands simply thus ; if the whole machinery bursts up next year, what’s the use of living for 121 years, &c., to see Venus treating Old Sol with contempt, as I hear that at one stage of her waltz past the old man she in a most unladylike manner cocked up her nose, and said “Look here old shiner, Proctor's made arrangements for your funeral procession next year, so you needn’t keep winking at me. ?” Of course the Transit to be seen properly had to be looked at through a glass, and whether asleep or awake I’m not going to say, but just as I got to Page’s corner a man asked me to have a glass, and thinking it was for the purpose of seeing the flirtation between Venus and that hot-headed old fellow up above, I naturally consented, and thanked the kind individual who was so actuated with a love for astronomy. Well, the glass was so nice, and Venus looked to be such a dear charming creature, that I thought we had better each have another glass. Through these the glorious beauty looked wonderfully handsome, and my friend and I concluded that she improved upon acquaintance. Then we each got another but somehow I saw afterwards two Venuses, and my friend also remarked the same thing. I “ said it’s evident that last glass wasn’t up to much, what do you say if we get another, and try again ? ” This we did, but whether it was the fault of Venus or something else, I haven’t found out yet ; the hist thing I knew was seeing my friend and his twin brother standing on their heads in a spittoon, and as for myself, I have a foggy notion of having lived at the rate of £42,000 a year, for a couple of minutes having been carted home in a landau. Candidly my opinion of Venus is that she is sly and deceitful. She does not care a single cent about Old Sol. because she only visits him twice in about eight years and then its a case of “ I'm going away to leave you,” and she does it to the extent of 121 years, etc. Now this ain’t love, and if she gets fooling with the old man there can't be the slightest doubt but that he’ll get amusing himself with a comet, and if he does this the show’s ended. Its not fair for a girl to humbug a man for some thousands of years and then treat him with contumely. If

the girl sees the error of her ways I hope that my readers will hear in the year 2003 at 4|secs. 2mins. 4 hours “The Wedding Bells ring out.” lam sorry I can’t be there myself, but I’ve got a very important engagement with Proctor in 1883 and if what he says is true, 1 shall be kept busy until 20,003 and a little over. [What the deuce is this sleepy headed reporter raving about ? Send him to the woman doctor and get his head examined]. —Ed.