YE FAYEE OF YE OLDEN TYME.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1208, 23 November 1882, Page 2

YE FAYEE OF YE OLDEN TYME.

(By our Somnolent Reporter.) I In my dreams last night, by peaceful sleep : beguiled, I found myself in Dreamland. I I had been put down to report “Ye Okie Englishc Fayre,” and accordingly mounted ' Mr South’s bycicle, and after several spills i arrived at Mr McFarlane's Hall. On pre- . senting myself I was interviewed by some- ' body whom I took to be a policeman, and i soon after I discovered I was correct. This i myrmidon of the law said to me “ Phat do i you want doing here without money. I’ll . have you up under the 37th clause of the Mad Dog Act, 1869, for being legally at i large, and having invisible means of supj port.” I endeavoured to explain to the man that I was a member of the press ; but he I seemed to be impressed with the idea that i the prestige of the “Fourth” was gone. However, 1 brought pressure to bear upon him, and presently presented him with a present in the shape of a bad half-crown, ami was then allowed to enter. I was as near as possible going to back out again as I was accosted by a portly individual, who informed me he was “Ye Beadle.” Being somewhat deaf I fancied he said “ beetle.” I asked if he was a specimen of the Colorado beetle. He replied that he didn’t know,but he would collar anything, and I believe honestly the man was speaking the truth. However, he didn't collar me. I commenced to think the task I had been put down for, anything but an easy one. However, by the aid of another bogus half-crown (they are home made, and I generally carry them about for the special benefit of bobbies), I succeeded in passing this all important personage, when, in the twinkling of an eye, I was seized by the policeman whom I fondly imagined I had squared. “ What the mischief is this for?” I asked. “ Never mind, I’ll put you where | you won’t find yourself, you deceitful vagabond“ What for?” said I. “Well, look you here now, there's Jimmy MeGuffin, McGinnis, O'Flaherty, O'Toole, and meself, went down to Dan's, just at the corner fornenst Adair’s shop, and we called for five glasses of rhapsody, or some such light stuff, and myself put down the half-crown you gave me. Well, the first thing I knew was somebody behind the bar trying to make me swallow a water bottle Well, you see I had been having the ‘ rhaps 5 arrangement and didn’t want the thing, but MeGuffin, who was standing alongside of me, got as pretty a holt of the end at the top of it as you could see. Of course, as an officer of the law’, 1 demanded an explanation, but was told that if I didn’t hold my tongue they’d have me run in for passing spurious coin. And that coin, you vagabond, was the very half-crown you gave to me. Fortunately, I had a genuine one, and was enabled to ap- | pease the wrath of the irate conservator of the peace. .1 thought I v/as right, but sud- ■ denly “Ye Beadle” approached, and hold- ( ing up his bauble, demanded to know why I I should have so deceived him ? 1 asked 1 him what his trouble was, as I was, by the i stoppage of these obstructionists, beginning ' to raise on my tail. “That half-crown,” , said he, “it wasn’t any good, and I had a : jam tart poultice on my cheek when 1 pre- • sented it at the refreshment stall.” I asked ' him if he would accept of another one. “ Another what ” said he, “ now look here, do you mean another poultice or do you mean another half-crown?” Gently remarking that he might take his chance, I walked on, and ok ! what a sight met my gaze. There were—To be continued.