MARK TWAIN ON CHAMBERMAIDS.
Against all chamber-maids, of whatever age or nationality, I launch the wrath of bachelordom. Because : They always put the pillows at the opposite end of the bed from the gas-burner, so that while you read and smoke (as is the ancient and honored custom of the bachelors),you have to hold your book aloft in an uncomfortable position, to keep the light from dazzling your eyes. If they can’t get the light in an inconvenient position any other way they move the bed.
If you pull your trunk out six inches from the wall, so that the lid will stay up when you open it, they always shove that trunk back again. They do it on purpose: They always put your boots in an inaccessible place. They chiefly enjoy depositing them as far under the bed as they can. It is because this compels you to get down in an undignified attitude, and make wild sweeps for them in the dark with the boot-jack—-and swear.
They always put the match-box in the wrong place. They hunt up some new place for it every day, and put a perishable glass thing or glass bottle in its former place, and when you grope about for it in the dark you get yourself into trouble. They are for ever moving the furniture. "When you come in in the night you can calculate on finding the bureau where the wardrobe was in the morning, And when you come in at midnight, or thereabout, you will proceed towards the window and sit down in the slop-tub. This will disgust you. They like that. No matter where you put anything, they will take it and move it the first chance they get. They always save up the old scraps of printed rubbish you throw on the floor, and stack them carefully on the table, and then start the fire with your valuable manuscript. And they use more hair oil than any six men!
They keep always coming to make your bed before you get up, thus destroying your rest and inflicting agony upon you ; but after you get up they don’t come any more until the next day.
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Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1128, 23 August 1882, Page 4
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365MARK TWAIN ON CHAMBERMAIDS. Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1128, 23 August 1882, Page 4
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