THE “SOMNOLENT REPORTER” AT THE WAXWORKS.”

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1097, 8 July 1882, Page 2

THE “SOMNOLENT REPORTER” AT THE WAXWORKS.”

We have on our staff the “ Champion Sleepist.” He even went to sleep at a meeting of the Borough Council! ! 1 This peculiar habit he possesses caused him the other night to take a back seat amongst the “ Kelly Gang group ” in Mr Kohler’s Waxwork Exhibition at Parnell and Boylan’s Hall. After offering up his devotions to Morpheus he suddenly awoke, and thus describes the scene i which met his astonished gaze ’ The Right Hon. W. E. Gladstone and Mr , Parnell’ divested of all unnecessary clothing, 1 entered a ring which had been formed, Dan j O’Connell acting as second for the latter, ami I George Peabody for the former. Both, after shaking hands, commenced business. The Agitator led off with his left smartly, and scored “ first blood.” The Premier stood some body punching for a time, but keeping close, and watching his opportunity, suddenly landed his antagonist a “ knock out of timer.” Just after this old Silos Boothby, the Mormon Elder, got fooling around. He waltzed up to Kate Kelly, put up his eyeglass, bowed to Queen Isabella, and even then was not satisfied until he had endeavored to induce the Chinese Mandarin’s wife to visit Salt Lake City, The Emperor of Germany was evidently mixed up as to the policy of Bismarck, and in plain language consigned him to a spring mattrass and a pillow. The Japanese Giant left off grinning and simpered gently up to the Empress Eugenie, who cocked her nose up at him, and observed in sneering tones, and very unladylike language that she “ wasn’t going to be bossed round by a d—d Jap This rather disconcerted the Giant, and he subsided, being afterwards discovered talking high-class .Tap into the Phonograph. Sergeant Kennedy discovering the poor Jap yabbering away thus, pounced upon him, and insisted on locking him up as a “ drunk.” Constable Scanlan got up and asked who’d tread on the tail of his registered paletot, on hearing which remark Constable Mclntyre said “ he’d have a crack nt his canister, if his tea cost 4s a pound! If he couldn’t knock the stuffing out of him, he’d be shot! Of course everybody thought Lonigan was dead, but he wasn’t; ho roused up, and asked Ned Kelly if he had such a thing as a taste of whisky handy ? Ned said he thought it was contrary to the spirit of the Licensing Act to supply Bobbie’s with liquor when on duty, but referred him to Dan Kelly who rat!;er insultingly said he’d see him d—d fust. Steve Hurt, and Joo Byrne burst out laughing at this ami Steve palled off his coat and sail he’d fight any blooming Bobby in the force for a fiver, and there would have been an ail-round row if Burke the explorer had’nt stepped in ami made peace by knocking Joo Byrne down on top of Mr. King who was busy picking his teeth with one of Mr Will’s toe nails. Mr.

Wills, by the way, had started opposition to Mr E. Beresford, and was lustily shouting out that ho was prepare.l to lay the stiffest double on record, £1,030 to a postage stamp. Mr Adeane for the Churchwardensiiip and Mr. C. Gray for the County Council. The mention of the money made Sullivan cock his ears and in company with Morgan, Rogan, Nesbitt, and Scott lie at once began to plan out a dodge of getting at Sam Stevenson as he was going home with the door cash. This frightened the fat boy into melting and he waxed wondrous soft as he blubbered over the fat girl, who was very saucy and told him to be off and not to be coming to her after spooning in such a bold manner to the Chinese Mandarin’s wife. The Bearded Lady overheard this remark and in a soft whisper to the Kurnara Digger observed that she was “a bold thing.” The Digger locked wise and asked old Opawa for a pipeful of tobacco. Opawa referred him to Te Whiti, who replied that it was not to be thought of; his “ potatoe was cooked,” and he WA3 poiiri. This reached the ears of Sir Redmond Barry, who immediately wanted to try them both for sedition, on hearing which Q.necn Isabella of Spain remarked to Tom Castro that Te Whiti had better “ shut

his potato trap ” as Bryce was’nt far off. Te Whiti immediately made tracks for the confiscated boundaries, and tumbled over Ned Kelly’s armour e>i route, making a row which brought General Toni Thumb to the front, who immediately insisted on introducing Miss Minnie Warren and Mrs Stratton to the Bearded Lady, Commodore Nutt in the meantime starting a game of threc-up with the Japanese Man Fish The Queen of Spain then went to the piano and started the Wedding Galop, and the whole lot went bullocking round the shanty at such a pace that the vibration of the building snook our reporter up. Of course that created a sensation. Sir Redmond Barry picked up his robes and hooked it back to his seat, his example being followed by the whole group, who in the twinkling of an eye looked as staid an 1 demure as if butter would not melt in their mouths (as we don’t suppose it would.) So you see there is something to be gained by going to sleep after all. Our reporter swears he was’nt cither drunk or dreaming. (We have our opinion about the veracity of that last paragraph ; but never mind, t’.ie time will come !! ! —Ed. P. 8.5.)