FUNNIOSITIES.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1073, 13 May 1882, Page 4

FUNNIOSITIES.

A baby in Ohio that was fed on elephant’s milk gained twenty pounds in one week. It was the baby elephant. A negro having purchased a hat, was observed to take it from his head on the fall of a shower of rain, and to manifest particular anxiety to preserve it from the wet. On being remonstrated with for his stupidity in thus leaving his head exposed, he wittily observed, “ Hat belong to me —- head belong to massa. Magistrate—“ Prisoner, have you ever been convicted ?” Prisoner — “No, your honour; I have always employed first class lawyers.” “You may say what you please,” solemnly remarked a red-nosed listener to a temperance lecturer, “ but whiskey once saved my life.” “ How was that?” Why, I wanted a drink so bad that I got up in the middle of the night and went out to hunt for a pub. While 1 was gone, the house caught on fire and roasted the old woman.” One boy to another : “ Tom, if you could be an amimal, what would you choose to be ?” “ Oh, I’d like to be a lion; he’s so ,” Oh, no, Tom, don’t be a lion, be a wasp ; because then you could sting the schoolmaster. “ You haven’t got such a thing as a pair of old trousers, have you?” “ No, my man,” said the merchant: “ I don’t keep my wardrobe in my counting-house.” “ Where do you live ?” rejoined Pat, “ and I’ll call in the morning for the old pair you’ve got on. Tottie—“ I wonder why dolls are always girls, Tom—“ Because boys hate to be made babies of.”