FUNNIOSITIES.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1034, 9 February 1882, Page 4

FUNNIOSITIES.

No r-'cm was ever made large enough to hold a iat-man and a mosquito. “ Good morning, Patrick ; you have got a new coat at last but it seems to fit you rather too much.” “ Och, there’s nothing surprising in that; sure I wasn’t there when I was measured for it.” Conversation on a seaside hotel verandah, between a young man and an elderly guest : Young man — must have seen yon some where, sir ?” Elderly guest —•• Very likely ;lam a pawnbroker.”— Harper s Weekly. Mark Twain, in his lecture at San Francisco upon the habits of the Sandwich Islanders, offered to illustrate the manner the cannibals eat their food “If any lady would lend him her babv.” The lecture was not illustrated.

Two darkies were vaunting their courage. “I isn’t’feared o’ nothin’, I isn’t,” said one. “ Den, Sam, I reckon you isn’t ’feared to loan me a dollah?” No, Julius, I isn’t’feared (o loan you a dollah, but I does hate to part wid an ole fren’ forebber.” “What shall I tell people who ask whether you are engaged ?” said a young lady at the dinner table to a somewhat eccentric theological student at Andover. “ Tell them that you don’t know,” was the reply. —Acw Orleans Picayune. “Gentlemen of the jury,” said an Irish lawyer, “it will be for you to say whether the defendant shall be allowed to come into court with unblushing footsteps, with a cloak of hypocrisy in his mouth, and draw three bullocks out of my client’s pocket with impunity.” Carrie was six years old, and quite a model of propriety; but one day she shocked .her mother by doing something very much like ordinary naughty children. “ Why Carrie !” -exclaimed Mrs 8., “ how could you do such a thing?” “Other little girls do so,” replied Carrie. But that doesn’t make it right, docs it ?” asked Mrs B. “ No,” answered Carrie, with deliberation, “ but it makes it a great deal more comf’able.”

When a man is riding a bicycle he looks neither to the right nor to the left, but appears to be gazing about •500 years into futurity, as if trying to solve the problem of the hereafterness of the unknowableness of the unknowable hereafter. He is not, however. He is simply wondering in case of a sudden header, whether his skull would be split wide open, or if he would escape with his nose smashed all over his face. — Norristoum Herald. It is related of Lord Falkland, that in 1658, under the Commonwealth his admission to the House of Commons was very much opposed by several members, he being barely of legal age. Some urged that he had not yet sown his wild oats. “ Perhaps not,” he quickly retorted ; “ but no doubt a good opportunity will be afforded me to sow them in the House, where evidently there are plenty of geese to pick them up.” The petulance of youth was here most forcibly exhibited.